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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27985161">Baby, It’s Cold Outside</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDoIWrite/pseuds/WhyDoIWrite'>WhyDoIWrite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Country Christmas [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, Established Relationship, F/F, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Manchester, Orlando Pride, SheBelieves, family vacay, first I love you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:28:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,337</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27985161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyDoIWrite/pseuds/WhyDoIWrite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A "Choose Your Own Sonny 'Ship" of sorts. Inspired by the 100+ recordings of Baby, It’s Cold Outside, each relationship is a little different, but probably not enough to make it worth your time to read them all. So, I would suggest that you probably pick your favorite Sonny 'ship and read that one. If it's not today's, just wait until the next chapter is posted. Those listed in the tags cover all the Sonny ‘ships, right?</p><p>TL;DR Don’t bother reading all the chapters. Pick your favorite Sonny ship and read that one.</p><p>Chapter 1: Kelley<br/>Chapter 2: Rosie<br/>Chapter 3: Kristie<br/>Chapter 4: Lindsey</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emily Sonnett/Kristie Mewis, Kelley O'Hara/Emily Sonnett, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett, Rose Lavelle/Emily Sonnett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Country Christmas [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. We Forgot the Lightbulbs (Emily+Kelley)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally, I planned to just post all the chapters at once, but I can't handle that and I don't even know if I'll get around to writing the KMewett one, so we're just going to go with a chapter... whenever I get around to it, and call this my contribution to December (even though BICO was never intended to be a Christmas song).</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kelley helps Sonny move back to Orlando. Orlando, as in Orlando where it doesn’t even get cold.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>STOP! Do not proceed until you read this, because I really, really don’t want comments about how BICO is rapey.  It’s not. I mean, I can totally see how it seems that way through a modern lens, but context, people. </p><p>It was written in the ‘40s as a husband and wife duet. Their daughter has even said it shouldn't be interpreted through the modern lens of the “Me, too,” movement. People were typically not having sex outside of marriage back then, at least not on the reg. It’s a joke, a playful back and forth. In fact, they parody it in the movie, reversing the genders. It’s playful. It’s flirty. Because that’s all they were going to do - flirt! That’s all they could do! The whole “what’s in this drink,” line? That’s not about the date rape drug, it was just a saying. Watch the movie - she doesn't get drunk. And the movie it’s in takes place in Southern California. I mean, how cold was it, really? It wasn’t even written as a Christmas song. They were asked to perform it at parties. It was only in the movie because the song it replaced was deemed too risque.  </p><p>So can we just relax and have fun and take it for what it was, please? And if not and you’re gonna be triggered, that’s cool. I get it. Like really, really. But you’re gonna need to cancel Kelly Clarkson and Brooks and Dunn and Darius Rucker and Martina McBride and Garth and Trisha and Meghan Trainor and Brett Eldrege and Willie Nelson and who’s gonna cancel Willie, honestly? That pot smoking liberal cowboy is cool AF. Plus you’ll need to cancel approximately 270 more artists. Also cancel culture is toxic. Don’t be toxic; we can’t progress as a society that way. Just don't read this.</p><p>Anyway, this was your TW so you can move along, nbd, if that’s what you need to. This is just playful and flirty. Well, I’m not funny enough to be playful or flirty, but if I were, that’s what it would be. No one’s being pressured into doing something they don’t want to do in this, and you're not being pressured into reading something you don't want to read. K? K.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>“I really can’t stay.”</p><p>“Kell,” Sonnett pouts.  “It’s cold outside.”</p><p>It’s a weak, not to mention ridiculous, attempt to get her to spend one more night, Kelley is fully aware of this. But her expression turns almost sympathetic when she notices that adorable lip jutted out. She knows Sonnett wants her to stay - needs her to, perhaps, because moving to another city (again) is hard for her - but that wasn’t part of the plan. Help her move and get settled. Fly back home. Done and dusted - cute, probably soft, perfect, God-they-look-so-kissable lips be damned. </p><p>“I gotta go. I’m gonna miss my flight if I don’t get an Uber soon,” Kelley starts to get up from the couch.</p><p>Sonnett pulls her back down. “So miss it,” she says, like that’s such an obvious answer here that she can’t comprehend why Ms. Stanford didn’t think of it herself. She takes Kelley’s phone from her hands and sets it down on the coffee table. No phone, no Uber. No Uber, no airport. No airport, no flight. No flight, no problem. In fact, no flight would be the exact opposite of a problem, as far as Sonnett is concerned. </p><p>She hates that Sonnett is making her feel bad about it. Hates even more that she has to leave. And the thing she hates the most? Well that would be the little voice inside her head reminding her how much she <em> wants </em> to stay. How she’s always wondered if a thing with her friend, her very cute and oh so funny friend, could actually be a thing that worked. How good they are together - always laughing, always easy. How goddamn attractive she finds the young defender, though she will never admit <em> that </em>to anyone for anything. Ever. “Sonny, I’m glad you let me help you move in,” Kelley sighs, instantly regretting the use of Sonnett’s nickname in this moment. “Lord knows you needed it and I know you didn’t want to admit that, but-”</p><p>“But it’s been fun, right? Spending time together?” Sonnett looks up at her hopefully as Kelley rises from the couch.</p><p>Kelley sighs again, louder this time. The hope sparkling in Sonnett’s grey eyes does more to make Kelley feel like she’s coming unglued than the hope in her voice ever will.  It <em> has </em>been fun. It’s been silly and comfortable and just about the most fun Kelley could ever imagine having with someone whilst moving because moving is an absolutely arduous task. Kelley hates moving. Always has, always will, cannot wait until she can retire and settle down and never - ever - move again. Ever. But this weekend was anything but arduous. Even when she was annoyed out of her mind with Sonnett, there was just something about the woman with that cute little blonde bun that made it hard to stay mad, and she found herself feigning frustration for effect more than anything. Something in the way she smiled with her eyes made her unpreparedness adorable. Something in her full laugh was forgivable when anyone else pulling the same crap would have been subject to her wrath. She wouldn’t have been able to spend so many hours in a car with anyone else, of that, she’s sure. She doesn’t know why that is. Or maybe she does, but doesn’t want to admit it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The drama that is Emily Sonnett started less than thirty minutes into unloading boxes at her new apartment.</p><p>“Where’d you pack the toilet paper?”</p><p>Sonnett looked at Kelley like she’s grown another head. “Pack the toilet paper? Why would I <em> pack </em>toilet paper?”</p><p>“What are you? An animal? How’m I sposed to pee?”</p><p>“I thought we’d go to the store,” Sonnett shrugged. “I didn’t pack anything I could just buy here.”</p><p>Kelley’s eyes widened. “What the fuck? Like... what else did you not pack?”</p><p>“Toothpaste, toothbrush, towels, tissues… Why are you looking at me like that?” </p><p>“Your fucking OCD.”</p><p>“Does it trigger <em> your </em>OCD?” Sonnett asked sarcastically, flicking Kelley’s ear with the sole purpose of adding to her annoyance.</p><p>“You trigger me!  You’re like one giant trigger!” Kelley rolled her eyes at how incredibly unbelievable - how incredibly <em> Sonnett </em>- this all was. She made a mental note to ask Alex to check in with their teammate periodically. How she functioned alone in Sweden was beyond Kelley.</p><p>“Packing is such a bitch and I hate it and you weren’t there to help me decide what I needed to bring and I mean, they have stores here and stuff… I left everything that I’d also need in Atlanta back in Atlanta. Otherwise, I'd have to go to the damn store there!”</p><p>When Sonnett shrugged nonchalantly, Kelley raged all over again, and had to go out to the car to retrieve the travel pack of Kleenex Sonnett kept in her console. </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go,” Kelley called as she came out of the bathroom. She grabbed Sonnett’s keys off the counter and waited by the door, hand on her popped out hip so Sonnett couldn’t miss her annoyance.</p><p>“Where?” she asked innocently.</p><p>“To the store! I’m not wiping with Kleenex anymore and do you even have lightbulbs? Or are we supposed to work in the dark?” Sonnett looked at her with no sign of understanding on her face.  Kelley pointed up to the ceiling. “You didn’t notice? The previous tenants were such thorough packers that they took the lightbulbs with them. And I’ll bet you $100 that the lamp you bought on the way here didn’t come with a lightbulb either, did it?” Kelley snarked, referring to the “required” stop at IKEA along the way. <em> When is this kid going to grow out of IKEA furniture, </em> she wondered.</p><p>Sonnett shrugged again. “I didn’t think about needing those.”</p><p>*****</p><p>“What are you doing?” Kelley asked as they wandered down an aisle, stretching to lean over Sonnett’s shoulder and look into the shopping cart. There’s two of almost everything, except everything is different.  Two toothbrushes - one firm and one soft. Two tubes of toothpaste - Crest and Hello. Two deodorants - Old Spice and Secret. Two flavors of chapstick. Two brands of hair ties.</p><p>“Shopping? For the things we need? What else do you do at Target?”</p><p><em> We </em>. The word almost causes Kelley to run into Sonnett, who has stopped in front of the shampoo.</p><p>"Extras for when you bring some slut home with you from the bar?"</p><p>Sonnett's mouth dropped and Kelley immediately regretted it, more because of how those words had the potential to make her sound jealous than the potential accusation in them. "They're for you, Kell. To leave at my place," Sonnett said quietly.  "I don't do that. You should know that by now," she added and as the words were spoken, Kelley almost detected a hint of sadness in her voice.</p><p>“I brought my own toiletries," Kelley mumbled, feeling the embarrassment of her mini outburst burning her ears. A moment later,  everything clicked in Kelley’s brain. It’s Kelley’s brand of toothpaste and Kelley’s deodorant and Kelley’s chapstick.  “Why would I need things at your place?” It was now Kelley’s turn to stop in the middle of an aisle, eyes following after the younger woman in disbelief at what she was hearing. </p><p>“Dunno.  Maybe for when y’all play here. Or when you have a bye and miss me. Or what if I get injured and I need you? Also, can you have Beast ship some of the shampoo and body wash you like, please. You can leave that at my place, too.”</p><p>“I’m not gonna fly to you just because I have a bye,” Kelley cocked her head to the side, confused. </p><p>“That’s what you say now…” Sonnett winked at her. “Fine. When you get injured again, you can come here for a little TLC while you recuperate.”</p><p>Kelley chose to leave that one alone because the thought of needing TLC from Sonnett was both horrifying and heartwarming, but she continued watching - and processing - as Sonnett added more items to the cart. A moisturizer with a minimal SPF that Sonnett would never use. Her eye cream. A brush. Cotton balls and witch hazel.</p><p>“How do you even- ” Kelley started. </p><p>“I pay attention, Kell.” </p><p>“But why? None of it matters.” Her stupid toiletries could not matter to a single person on the entire planet.</p><p>“It does matter.  All the little things that make you you matter.  You deserve someone who pays attention.” </p><p>This quiet, almost serious version of Sonnett was rare. Likeable. Loveable - more than usual. This version of Sonnett made Kelley’s heart pound in her ears. “I’m not gonna be here enough to make it worth it,” Kelley protested, but deep inside, it was like she could suddenly feel her blood pumping, spreading a warmth throughout her body that she couldn’t quite explain. “I could just use your stuff.”</p><p>“Well I wanted to make sure you had choices. And FYI, peppermint is better than cinnamon,” Sonnett tossed two kinds of floss into the cart. “But take your time figuring things out.”</p><p><em> Does she mean floss flavors or us? </em> Kelley wondered. But she didn’t have to wonder for long.</p><p>“I’ll wait.” </p><p>
  <em> Oh good God, she means us. </em>
</p><p>“I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” </p><p>The warmth pumping through Kelley's body quickly transitioned to a very focused pain behind her eyes, one she desperately needed to shake off. She couldn’t be with Sonnett. No matter how lovable the kid was. No matter how flushed her skin became when she was near. No matter how different she felt around Sonnett compared to everyone in her past. No matter that this wasn't even the first time she had considered it. This trip to Target was suddenly making something Kelley had suspected for quite awhile seem like an actual possibility, and it was too much for her.</p><p>*****</p><p>“We forgot the lightbulbs,” Sonnett muttered, afraid of Kelley’s reaction, as she sorted through her purchases.</p><p>“Ooooffffff course we did.” </p><p>“It’s cool, I’ve got candles,” Sonnett supplied</p><p>“Of course you do,” Kelley mumbled under her breath. And then louder, “Where?”</p><p>“That box,” Sonnett pointed to the corner.  “The one that says ‘MAKE IT HOMIE.”</p><p>Kelley groaned.</p><p>“Get it? Homie. Like, what’s up, homie? But also <em> homey.”</em></p><p>“I get it, Son.” Kelley ripped off the tape and opened the box. There were at least a half-dozen candles inside. And a lighter. And a diffuser. And essential oils. And a picture of Sonnett and Lindsey. Kelley’s annoyance at Sonnett immediately shifted to annoyance directed at herself, for the jealousy that flooded her veins the second she saw that photo. It made her want to run to the nearest Walgreens and print one of her and Sonny to supplant it. Or at least go alongside it on the fridge. Seriously?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You could remember to pack all this but not remember that you might need to pee?  Or see? Or I don’t know… shower after unpacking all day?!?”</p><p>“Lindsey comes with me everywhere. Those scents are discontinued,” Sonnett explained, skirting around Kelley to grab the candles out of the box. “I have a couple of lighters and diffusers so I could spare these, and essential oils are expensive, so,” she threw up her hands like she didn’t understand why this was a big deal.  “See?  Light,” she said proudly after wandering around her living room, selecting spots for the candles, and lighting them.</p><p>“We’re supposed to unpack your shit by candlelight?”</p><p>“No, we’re supposed to stop. It’s dark.”</p><p>“We’re not done. I’m leaving tomorrow.” </p><p>“All the big stuff got done.”</p><p>And that was true, because they had put together all of Sonnett’s IKEA furniture, but they weren't done done. “I’m talking about these boxes. You know… what you told me I <em> had </em>to help you with?”</p><p>“Eh, we did enough. Let’s watch TV,” Sonnett plopped down on the couch, leaving Kelley no choice but to follow suit; she wasn’t going to do her friend’s work for her alone. Within minutes, Kelley regretted giving in. Sonnett’s fingers found hers across the couch cushion, and even though she wanted to, she couldn’t pull her hand away. Then her hand ended up in Sonny’s lap. And a few minutes after that, her head ended up in Sonny’s lap, and there was just no coming back from Sonnett dragging her nails across her scalp like she <em> knew </em>it was the one thing that could instantly make Kelley melt into a puddle. She couldn’t watch her favorite show like that. She couldn’t do anything except manage to bite back the little hums trying so hard to escape her lips. So she pretended to fall asleep, and when Sonnett gently “woke her up” a couple hours later, she pretended to stumble, still half asleep, to the bed. Pretending, Kelley could do; dealing with what was unfolding in front of her, not so much. So she bought herself time.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“You know I love spending time with you Son,” Kelley admits quietly, unable to meet Sonnett's eyes.</p><p>Sonnett takes Kelley’s hands in hers, toying with her fingers, and Kelley almost loses her resolve right then, as the taller woman steps into her space. “You’re cold. You can’t possibly want to go out in this. If you love spending time with me, stay. Spend more time with me.”</p><p>“You keep it fucking freezing in here, of course I’m cold,” Kelley argues, pulling her hands back. “Besides, my parents are expecting me home tonight.”</p><p>“What’s the hurry?” Sonnett searches her eyes.</p><p>“My dad’s picking me up from the airport.”</p><p>“I can start a fire. First fire in my fireplace at my new place. Whatdaya think? Feels like you should be here for it.”</p><p>Kelley rolls her eyes. Sonnett didn’t even have lightbulbs; her having firewood is not even in the realm of possibilities. “Sonny, I gotta go. I have things to do tomorrow.”</p><p>“Things will wait. Kell, please.”</p><p>And the way Sonnett’s voice breaks, Kelley can’t quite say no, so she goes with not yet. Besides, she probably doesn’t <em> really </em>need to be at the airport two full hours early. It’s her mom’s fault for instilling that panic-inducing habit in her. “Fine. Pour me a glass of wine. It’ll relax me for my flight. And then I’ll go.”</p><p>Sonnett breaks out in a huge grin and Kelley would like to hate it, except she can’t. She slides her unlocked phone across the counter to the older woman. “Pick a playlist for Alexa.” Kelley doesn’t even need to look through Sonnett’s playlists; Georgia is her favorite for no reason other than she assumes those songs remind Sonnett of home, and their home is a shared one, technically. Sonnett overpours two glasses of red wine and joins Kelley at her breakfast bar. “What’s the worst that would happen if you just changed your flight?”</p><p>A whole multitude of things would happen, starting with having to lie to her parents and probably ending in Sonnett's bed, and Kelley’s unsure which amongst them would be the worst. “Well, your neighbors are going to start thinking I live here with you if I stay any longer, which means they’ll assume we’re a couple. And then what are you going to do when one of them recognizes you as a famous soccer player and it gets out that you’re gay?”</p><p>Sonnett ignores her. “It’s not even safe to fly in this weather, is it?” She asks, stepping in between Kelley’s legs.</p><p>“You know this is like two or three glasses of wine, right? You’re not supposed to fill it to the top. Are you <em> trying </em>to get me drunk?”</p><p>“You know, I don’t even think Uber works this late.”</p><p>Kelley rolls her eyes again. “Why are you so fucking cute, Sonny?” She didn’t mean to say it. She shouldn’t have said it. But right now, in her soft pink hoodie and tight leggings that accentuate every muscle, standing eye level with Kelley, and so fucking close that those puppy dog eyes can’t be ignored, Kelley doesn’t know if she’s ever looked cuter.</p><p>“Why are your eyes so pretty?” Sonnett runs her hand down Kelley’s arm, sending goosebumps as painful as those from an ice bath across her bare skin, and then takes the wine glass out of her hand.</p><p>“Stop flirting.” Kelley doesn’t know if it’s the wine or that soft smile, but something is leaving her lightheaded.</p><p>Sonnett reaches over and takes Kelley’s snapback off. She can’t very well kiss her with the brim in the way.</p><p>“Give me my hat back,” Kelley grabs at the air in a futile attempt to stop what’s happening from happening. “My hair’s a mess.”</p><p>“It’s fine. You’re beautiful,” Sonnett reaches up to smooth Kelley’s flyaways.</p><p>“Thank you,” Kelley mumbles, suddenly exceptionally nervous. Needs to clear her throat because it feels like it’s constricting nervous. Knee bouncing uncontrollably nervous. Sonnett should <em>not</em> be making her nervous.</p><p>Sonnett leans closer, resting her hand gently on Kelley’s bouncing knee. “You’re always beautiful,” she breathes against the older woman’s neck. “With messy hair when you wake up. When it’s humid and these,” Sonnett leans back to try to smooth her flyaways again, “are all crazy. When you’ve worked out and your hair is just dripping with sweat. It doesn’t matter. You’re always the one I can't stop looking at.”</p><p>Deep down, Kelley knows this, that Sonnett stares at her, because she's caught her. At first, Sonnett would look away, embarrassed, and it was kind of thrilling to Kelley. But lately, she's held Kelley's gaze. Lately, it's almost like she's been daring Kelley to catch her staring. But also, none of what Sonnett described is beautiful, and Kelley wants to point that out, except Sonnett seems so sincere. And so determined. “Sonny… we can’t...”</p><p>“You know how I feel about you, Kell.”</p><p><em> I cannot stay here tonight </em> , Kelley reminds herself. She knows if she stays another night, she’ll give in and she <em> cannot </em> give in. “Stop trying to be smooth.” She laughs it off, like she’s making a joke. Like she doesn’t really believe Sonnett is smooth. Except Sonnett <em> is </em>smooth.</p><p>“But I am smooth.”</p><p>
  <em> Ok, apparently she knows that. </em>
</p><p>“And it’s cold outside.”</p><p>“Why are you so pushy?”</p><p>“Why aren’t you giving into me?”</p><p>“I have to go.”</p><p>“It’s too cold to leave even.”</p><p>“Sonnett. No. Just no!” Kelley shouts, getting up from her chair and pushing past Sonnett. She makes her way towards the door until she has a tight grip on the handle of her suitcase. There's no way she's not going to leave. </p><p>“Look outside.  It’s getting bad out there.”</p><p>“My sister’s going to give me shit about staying longer. She already thinks-”</p><p>“I want to taste your lips again.”</p><p>Ok, that’s something Kelley absolutely cannot deal with right now. “And then when she tells Jerry, he’ll never let me live it down.”</p><p>“I remember what they tasted like that night. Cherry and alcohol,” Sonnett continues, closing her eyes at the memory, and running her tongue over her lips as if she can still taste Kelley’s mouth on hers. She takes Kelley’s hand again, giving it a little reassuring squeeze. “What are you worried about? Your brother and sister love me.”</p><p>“Like a little sister. They love you like a sister.  Like I’m supposed to like you. Because you’re a child.” Kelley leaves out the part about how much shit her siblings have given her in the past when she’s spent hours upon hours and days upon days with Sonnett when they’re both in Atlanta. <em> You got a crush on her or what, Sis? </em> Erin teased her. <em> Kelley, date someone your own age </em> , Jerry jumped in. <em> Jesus, why are you spending so much time with her?  </em>“They’ll never let me live it down if they think that we…” Kelley trails off.</p><p>Sonnett scoffs at that. “Would it be that bad, really? If they thought that? Am I that undesirable that you can’t have your siblings thinking we…” Sonnett trails off, unable to finish the sentence. “That hurts, Kell.”</p><p>Kelley can’t get a read on her, can’t tell if she’s still playing a game or if she really is hurt, so she continues with her excuses. “And I’m supposed to FaceTime Charlie in the morning. Alex is already mad I didn’t make time to see her. What would I do about that?”</p><p>Kelley, who has always said she doesn’t know if she wants children, Kelley, who has fought back in interviews when people assume she does, refusing to be put into a box, is now FaceTiming a child who can’t speak on the regular. Sonnett files that information away for later. “FaceTime her from here, duh.”</p><p>“I can’t!” Kelley shrieks. “Alex will know. You know what <em> she’ll </em>think.”</p><p>“You smell nice,” Sonnett nuzzles closer to Kelley, breathing in the scent of her own shampoo and body spray. “And do you really care if Alex knows? Can’t you just tell her your flight got cancelled?”</p><p>“Like she’d believe that,” Kelley mumbles, looking out the window at the perfectly still, perfectly clear evening sky. “And I care because if Alex knows, Allie will know, and if Allie knows, everyone will know and they’ll… they’ll talk about us.”</p><p>“Planes have mechanical issues. Haven’t you ever had a flight cancelled? But really, Kell, why do you care if they talk? Let them talk.”</p><p>Kelley huffs. What’s she supposed to say to Sonnett? <em>You’re too young? Too immature? I’ll be the butt of countless jokes about robbing the cradle</em>? “Do you have any more of those peanut butter bars?” Kelley changes the subject.</p><p>“Of course. They’re vegan.”</p><p>“I know. You’ve told me five times.”</p><p>“I made them just for you,” Sonnett says proudly.</p><p>“You’ve told me that, too.”</p><p>“You want one?”</p><p>Kelley nods. “For the road. Son, I really have to get home. Like for real for real. I <em> will </em>miss my flight if we keep this up.”</p><p>“You’ll freeze out there!” Sonnett tugs Kelley away from her suitcase and back towards the couch, looking the smaller woman up and down, at her thin leggings and thinner tee.</p><p>“Then give me a damn hoodie, Sonnett!”</p><p>“Something you can sleep with at night and think of me.”</p><p>“Oh fuck off!” Kelley bumps her as she squeezes into the kitchen to get her own peanut butter bar.</p><p>“Do you know what it does to me when we touch?”</p><p>“Do you not understand what ‘I have to go’ means?” Kelley fires back.</p><p>“It’s like electricity shoots through me. Even with just the slightest brush of your hand. I know it does for you, too.  Why are you fighting it?” Of course Sonnett knows what it does to her.  She had a five-hour car ride to figure it out, with Kelley there next to her, captive.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I like U-Hauling with you, Kell.”</p><p>“We’re not U-Hauling, loser.”</p><p>“I mean, it feels like it. I’m towing a U-Haul.”</p><p>“With only <em> your </em>stuff.  And I’m not staying. Absolutely, unequivocally, not U-Hauling.”</p><p>“Details, details,” Sonnett waved her hand dismissively.  “Fine. I like roadtripping with you,” Sonnett turned towards her to gauge her reaction.</p><p>“Keep your eyes on the road, Sonnett.”</p><p>“Why does it make you nervous?” she asked, cocky and grinning.</p><p>“The thought of dying makes me nervous.”</p><p>Sonnett dropped her hand onto Kelley’s thigh. One at a time, she let the pads of her fingers trace a figure-eight pattern on the bare skin above Kelley’s knee.</p><p>“Still,” Kelley said sternly, covering Sonnett’s hand with her own to stop her movement.</p><p>“Oh, I get it. Like you want me to be the calm to your storm. The lighthouse in your hurricane. The quiet to your chaos. Your breath before the plunge.”</p><p>“Some things are really not that deep, Sonnett. I want you to be still.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“I just can’t have you... moving your fingers… there. It makes me…”</p><p>“Feel things?”</p><p>Kelley didn’t answer, just looked out the window and squeezed Sonnett’s fingers so hard that she thought they might break and she had to pry her hand out from Kelley’s vice grip. “Ten and two, sweetheart. Ten and two,” Kelley chuckled as Sonnett put her hand back on the steering wheel. But the electricity between them in that moment never seemed to die down, a live wire just waiting to spark.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Right now, that live wire seems surrounded by combustible material, and the fire seems inevitable.  </p><p>“We can’t do this. People will find out,” Kelley says weakly.</p><p>“I’d tell the whole world if that’s what it took to be with you.”</p><p>“You don’t mean that.” Kelley’s voice is even smaller now. Sonnett would <em> not </em>come out for her. Fiercely private, overly concerned about what everyone thinks about her Sonnett could never. Besides, Kelley can’t even stomach the thought of her siblings and best friends knowing. And that makes her hate herself more as she comes to terms with it. When it comes down to brass tacks, she’s actually the one more afraid of appearances, of what people will think of her dating someone so much younger. A teammate, no less. Someone she mentored.</p><p>“What if you walk out that door and we miss our chance?” Suddenly, Sonnett isn’t playing around anymore. She’s not smiling. She’s not trying to stop Kelley from gathering her luggage. She’s just leaning against the fridge door looking like she really means it.</p><p>And it makes Kelley stop and think. </p><p><em> What if this is their chance </em>? </p><p>Finally, away from the confusion and chaos that is their team, what if this is the universe giving them a shot to see if they could be more? </p><p>What if she lets herself explore those lips like she’s been dying to all weekend? Those lips she doesn’t even know because she was too drunk to remember what kissing Sonnett felt like the night of her sister’s engagement party on her parent’s front lawn, because the only way she ever had the courage to do something so stupid and so risky and so right was under the influence.</p><p>What if those people who say you should fall in love with your best friend really know what they’re talking about? She’s never done things in that order - build a friendship before a relationship. Maybe that’s why nothing has ever lasted before.</p><p>What if age doesn’t matter and the fact that they play on the same team doesn’t matter and what everyone will think of her doesn’t matter? </p><p>What if none of it matters except the feelings that she has for Sonnett?  That she’s <em> had </em>for Sonnett. For years.</p><p>Sonnett seems to sense the change in her, that she’s finally questioning it herself. Once again, she closes the gap between them, hands easily sliding around Kelley’s hips as she presses her into the counter. </p><p>This time, Kelley doesn’t duck away when Sonnett tries to kiss her. She meet Sonnett’s lips with the force of everything she’s been holding back, sighing as Sonnett tugs and nips at her lower lip.</p><p>This time, she’s sober enough to know she’ll never forget how utterly perfect this woman’s arms feel around her, how quickly Sonnett is able to fall into the push and pull of their lips moving together. </p><p>She lets Sonnett lift her onto the counter, like she knows that Kelley needs some illusion, some semblance of control to be ok with this. And that lasts for a few minutes, until Sonnett starts nosing the collar of her shirt out of the way so she can kiss along her clavicles, and Kelley feels like she has absolutely no control over the situation again.</p><p>Except for once, she realizes she doesn’t really mind that much. “Fuck. Couch, Son.”</p><p>Sonnett’s lips separate from Kelley’s skin so fast that she’s unprepared for the cold air that hits her. The flicker of the nearby candle dances in her eyes, and the pure excitement and adoration Kelley sees in them leaves her with no doubt this is exactly right for her right now. Sonnett lifts her off the counter, easily carrying her back to the couch. She lays Kelley down gently, tosses the loose cushions onto the floor to give them more room, and lies down beside her. Kelley turns into her, so they’re facing each other. “I really like you, Kell,” she whispers, tucking Kelley’s long hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to tell anybody, I just want to be with you. I don’t care how or what that means, I can be whatever you want.” Sonnett’s demeanor shifts from the boldness she’s been exhibiting all night to almost desperation. But her sureness never falters, and it makes Kelley feel surer, too.</p><p>“I want to be with you, too, Son.” Her gaze flicks from Sonnett’s eyes to her lips and back again.</p><p>“Really?” she asks with almost a childlike shyness that’s so endearing. Kelley nods. “Like, you mean it?”</p><p>“Yes, I mean it. I’m positive. I've always... kinda... you know...” And she does mean it. Everything about Sonnett feels right in a way that seems far more important than what Alex or Allie or even her own family thinks of her. “You’ve been talking a big game all night. You’ve got me on your couch. Are you going to do something about it or not?” Kelley teases between kisses.</p><p>“What do you want me to do, Miss Kelley?” Sonnett grins, rolling onto Kelley and pressing her into the couch. “Do you want me to do this?” she nibbles on Kelley’s earlobe. “Or this?” she slides her hand under Kelley’s shirt, walking her way up over Kelley’s ribs until she’s cupping Kelley’s breast, and Kelley is shivering under her in pleasure.</p><p>“Sonny!” Kelley whines, immensely unhappy about the effect the younger woman has on her. Sonnett makes her needy. Frantic. Impatient verging on impulsive. “I swear to God, Sonny, if you make me beg you to fuck me, I will not be able to come, and this is going to be a big bust.” Kelley didn't mean to say that either. Sonnett makes her say all the things she should be able to keep inside. Makes her nervous. Makes her a little crazy. And makes her so comfortable because they <em>know</em> each other better than they know almost anyone else on the planet.</p><p>Sonnett’s eyes go wide. She doesn’t need to be told twice. And she doesn't even dream of teasing Kelley for once.</p><p>*****</p><p>“I hate you,” Kelley whispers, framing Sonnett’s face and staring into her eyes.</p><p>“That how we’re gonna play this?”  Sonnett laughs and then kisses her, and Kelley can taste herself on Sonnett’s lips.</p><p>Kelley nods. She means it, a little at least. She hates how good Sonnett is and how much time she wasted and how Sonnett doesn't even have to <em>try</em> to make her feel that funny feeling in her gut that she only ever gets on a rollercoaster.</p><p>“Ok. That’s fine.” Sonnett kisses her again, soft and sure, and Kelley melts, because this is what she missed out on that night at her parents’ house. This is what she’s been missing out on because she’s been too damn stubborn. “I hate you, too,” Sonnett nips along Kelley’s jaw until she’s right beneath her ear. “So much,” she whispers and then pulls away abruptly, leaving Kelley flabbergasted.</p><p>“I missed my flight. You promised me a fire in your fireplace. And you still haven’t told me what I’m supposed to do about Alex. Sonnett!” Kelley grumbles, pinching her side. “You’re not even paying attention to me!”</p><p>“Hold, please.” Sonnett doesn’t even look up from her phone, tapping away furiously. “Favor to the rescue, my lady. A box of Duraflame logs is on the way, and you will have a fire in the fireplace in under an hour. Until then, you should just snuggle with me so you don’t get cold.” She pulls Kelley closer, and all is forgiven because there’s no way Kelley can get enough of that silky smooth skin against hers.</p><p>“I’m certainly not going anywhere without clothes. I don’t know why you had to be all dramatic and throw them across the damn room.”</p><p>“So you wouldn’t get up. Or so you would and I’d get a show. Either way, I win,” Sonnett smirks. “And you’re gonna FaceTime Charlie from right here tomorrow morning while I cook breakfast, and you’re gonna tell Alex that you couldn’t resist my charm any longer and you’re falling head over heels for me.”</p><p>“I’m <em>not</em> head over heels for you,” Kelley insists. </p><p>“Oh, baby,” Sonnett smiles softly, eyes slowly moving across Kelley’s face. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”</p><p>“This. This is why I hate you.”</p><p>“K.” Sonnett whispers, tipping Kelley’s chin up and leaving a lingering kiss on her lips. “Just lay here under the blanket and hate me, and then you can lay here in front of the fire and hate me, and then we can fall asleep and you can still hate me all you want.”</p><p>“You tripped me,” Kelley mumbles, a few minutes later, refusing to let it go. “I don’t fall.”</p><p>“Except for that one game during CONCACAF qualifying, so, I mean-”</p><p>“Shut up, Sonnett!" Kelley rolls on top of her, making yet another mistake because now she's mere inches from those same eyes that drew her in in the first place. "Did you.... um... order lightbulbs?” she asks, needing to fill the silence.</p><p>“And ruin this ambiance? Never. Also, I forgot.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. There’s Something I Need You To Know (Emily+Rose)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rose's injury is good enough reason for Sonnett to stop by for a visit on her way back home. What's a little detour?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“I really can’t stay,” Sonnett says, propping herself up on one elbow to look at Rose. It makes her sad seeing Rose like this, so small and helpless, when she’s usually such a firecracker. It makes her even sadder when she sees the big knee brace swallowing Rose’s small leg. And the thing that makes her saddest? Easily the fact that she has to leave. The more she thinks about it, the more she doesn’t want to. And there’s the rub, this thing between them that has no name, that there is no proof even exists, this thing that nevertheless seems to fill entire rooms even though Sonnett can’t explain it. This thing pulled her to come, and now it’s tugging at her heartstrings, whispering in her ear, telling her to stay when she hasn’t seen her own family in months.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She was in Gothenburg when she saw Rose go down, packing up her apartment to ship her belongings home from Sweden. She hadn't quite enough time to finish between the end of their season and National Team camp in the Netherlands. Packing wasn't exactly her strong suit, and it was only made more complex by (unnecessary) purchases in-country. Cold-weather gear. A fancy European coffee maker. Clogs, but those were a gag gift for Mal for Christmas, so not quite unnecessary, she reasoned. She didn’t quite catch the tackle, but the replay came quickly, and she winced as she saw Rose’s knee bend unnaturally. Her heart sank in that moment, the same way it sank every time Lindsey went down. She should be used to that feeling by now, as often as it happened to her best friends - Lindsey, Kelley, and Rose really are the most injury-prone players on the team - yet each time she witnessed one of them hit the pitch, it felt like someone kicked her feet out from under her and she went down with them. But then Rose got up, and went back on, and while she cursed a coach she didn’t even know under her breath, deep down, she was relieved to see the talented midfielder up and moving ok again. She sent off a quick “<em>You scared me for a second. FaceTime tonight?</em>” text as the second half started and Rose was subbed off, and then went about her packing. </p><p>Sonnett saw the photo of Rose on crutches before Rose got back to her, and then the brief sinking feeling from earlier was back in full-force, refusing to go away this time, no matter how much she tried to distract herself with packing, and music, and more packing, and a trip up the street for a coffee that she didn’t even want. But she needed some sort of familiarity to provide comfort in the moment, and it was all she could think of. She sent off a series of panicked texts to Rose, and then to Sam, and finally to Mary, though she couldn't imagine Rose texting her sister before texting her if it were bad. Then she proceeded to pace her near-empty apartment for another hour before Sam finally responded. </p><p><b>Sammy</b>: She’s ok, Son. She’ll get an MRI in a few days if she’s not back to herself.</p><p>And then from Rose, a much more muted, very unlike Rose response: <em>hey</em></p><p><em>Hey yourself</em>, Sonnett shot back, trying to keep it light, but when Rose didn’t respond, she found herself being that annoying person who incessantly texts.</p><p><b>Sonny</b>: are you ok?<br/>
           Like for real, don’t lie to me.<br/>
           Does it hurt?<br/>
           Rosie, where’d you go?</p><p><b>Rosie</b>: I’m right here, Son. I’m just bummed. It’s always something.</p><p>Sonnett got it. They’d talked about a lot, how fragile and helpless Rose often felt because of her nagging and new injures. How she couldn’t help but fear that some day, a coach would give up on her because she couldn’t offer consistent minutes. She always felt like she was spending what should be her best years on the bench. Sonnett knew that feeling all too well.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t decide during their text exchange to make a detour north through England on her layover back to Atlanta. She didn’t decide that until she was actually in the Gatwick airport, sitting in the hard seats, staring at a TV screen repeating the same weather information on a loop. She couldn’t stop thinking about Rose and how she was stuck in her home, probably moping around. And yeah, Sam and Pat were there to cheer her up, but the one thing Sonnett gave herself all the credit in the world for was her ability to do the cheering up better than anyone else. So she went to the ticket counter, asked if she could be rebooked, and headed to the rail station in the South Terminal. She didn’t text Sam to ask if it was ok until she was on a train to Manchester. She didn’t text Rose at all, opting for the element of surprise which would make the mission objective of "<em>Make Rose Laugh So Much Her Abs Are Sore Tomorrow</em>" a touch easier.</p><p> </p><p>It worked. After Rose finally fell asleep the first night, Sam told her it was the biggest she'd seen Rose smile since she arrived in England, so Sonny stayed a couple extra days. In the daytime, she made Rose laugh, and made Rose snacks, and made Rose feel like she had a little piece of home that she missed when almost everyone else got to fly back to the States for their belated Thanksgiving celebrations. And at night, she held Rose close until she fell asleep, promising her she wasn’t going to be like Kelley, needing to be covered in bubble wrap until the next big tournament for her country.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Come on, Son,” Rose whines, and it’s so rare for her to whine really, that it startles Sonnett.  “It’s cold outside.”</p><p>“Ok, but I gotta go. I’ve got a train to catch,” Sonnett dismisses her friend.</p><p>“But it’s so cold,” Rose repeats, teeth chattering, as if that’s supposed to be a deterrent, but she has to work to hide her smile. “I bet that train’s cold. Probably doesn’t even have heat. This whole damn country is cold,” she continues to complain, looking up at Sonnett with this strange sort of longing in her eyes that Sonnett doesn’t quite understand.</p><p>“Who are you?” she asks, shaking her head. “And what did you do with my ice bath loving friend?”</p><p>“Having you here has made this whole crappy situation better,” Rose admits softly.</p><p>“Well, I’m glad I had a layover in London then.”</p><p>A layover. Not a stop. A layover that was only a couple of hours long. A layover no longer and during which a two-hour train ride to Manchester to see her injured teammate suddenly seemed like the most normal thing in the world to do. And now, she has a two-hour train ride back waiting for her. They’re both aware of this. Of all of it. But Rose is particularly aware of the trouble, and expense, Sonnett went to to come see her.</p><p>“Son,” Rose reaches out, trying to cajole Sonnett to scoot closer, to stay. Her blue eyes are pleading - there’s no mistaking that - but as needy as she is right now, it’s hard for her to put what she really wants to say into words, so she continues to deflect. “You’re like an icicle. Come here. Let me warm you up.” Rose pulls Sonnett’s palm to her chest, wrapping her smaller hand as best she can around the older woman’s long, slender fingers. It’s easier to be brave through touch, because touching Sonnett is familiar. She has things she needs to say, but she’s not there yet, and those things are definitely not familiar.</p><p>Sonnett lets her. She doesn’t know what else to do, and it feels nice to have Rose be the one to initiate the contact, when she’s been the one holding Rose, rubbing her head, hugging on her to try to make her feel better. It feels nice to be wanted. But it doesn’t change anything. Her rebooked-rebooked flight leaves tonight. “My mom hasn’t seen me in three months,” Sonnett mumbles.</p><p>“Then what’s one more day?” Rose asks</p><p>“My dad’s so excited to see me, he insisted on picking me up from the airport even though my flight gets in late and it's a long drive to Marietta.”</p><p>“But you built such a nice fire for me. You should enjoy it, too. That’s the only good thing about this house - a fireplaces in the bedrooms. And this is the first time I’ve gotten to use it.”</p><p>“I know, but if you can get Pat or Sam to throw a few more logs on before they go to bed, it should burn all night. But I gotta go, Rosie,” Sonnett tries to pull her hand back, but it's halfhearted because she wants to be the one to add logs to the fire. She wants to be the one to take care of Rose. Today, and tomorrow, and maybe always wouldn't be out of the question. She doesn't seem to be like the type who will ever figure out the skills she already should have learned, not because she can't; because she's uninterested.</p><p>“Please don’t.” And she sounds completely serious, not teasing like she was a minute ago. Not even whiney anymore.</p><p>Sonnett sighs. “How ‘bout one more mug of hot cocoa?” The corners of Rose’s mouth start to curl up and Sonnett worries in that moment that this is just the beginning of a long, slow defeat. This time, Rose loosens her grip on Sonnett’s hand, letting her get up out of bed. She has time, she tells herself. It's just one cup. She can still catch a train and still make her flight.</p><p>Sonnett wanders into the kitchen and grabs a pan and the bottle of milk. “Don’t you need me to take you to the train station,” Sam asks from the couch.</p><p>“Umm…” Sonnett leaves the milk heating on the stove to peak around the corner.</p><p>Sam looks up from the TV, confused about Sonnett’s hesitation. “I thought you had to get going soon.”</p><p>“I might- I might stay here another night?” She doesn't mean it to come out as a question, but it does because she's unsure about it herself. Well, not so much unsure like, she might still actually catch that train; more like she's unsure if this is even a good idea.</p><p>The creases on Sam’s brow deepen. “Why? We can take care of her, Son. If she convinced you we can’t, she’s lying. Pat waits on her hand and foot. She’s doing fine. It’s not that big of a deal.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Sonnett returns to the kitchen to stir the liquid so it won’t burn. “I know. I just- well what’s one more day?” Sam gives her a look, a look that makes Sonnett feel like Sam knows more than she knows, but she doesn’t say anything, and eventually turns back to the TV. </p><p>When Sonnett returns to Rose’s room with two steaming mugs of cocoa complete with marshmallows, Rose already has one of Sonnett’s old holiday playlists softly coursing through her bluetooth speaker. It’s nice - the low light, the crackling fire, the wintery beverages. It feels like Christmas.</p><p>“Thanks, Sonny,” Rose smiles, sitting against the headboard, wrapping her hands around the mug, and breathing in the warmth.  Sonnett sits on the edge of the bed and does the same, staring intently at Rose, trying to convince herself that one more night isn’t a bad idea, that it won’t lead to something that might change their friendship in a way that they’d never be able to get it back if it turns into a mistake.</p><p>“So, um… Sam kinda thinks it’s weird that I haven’t left yet, I think?”</p><p>“Did you tell her that it’s bad out there?”</p><p>Sonnett rolls her eyes. She didn’t. Because it’s not bad out there. It’s chilly, but it’s certainly not bad, not by England’s standards. Rose has repeated this mantra enough that it’s becoming glaringly obvious she’s angling for something. That something seems to be creeping closer and closer, and it’s starting to make Sonnett nervous.  “Dude, this hot cocoa is so much better than at home. Like, is the milk different here or something? It’s extra creamy.”</p><p>“Probably not safe for Sam or Pat to be out driving in this. You can just stay, Sonny. Better for everyone. Hey," Rose tugs on Sonnett's sleeve. "Look at me." Sonnett shifts on the bed so that they're facing each other, and Rose grins.</p><p>“Damnit, Rose.” She has such a good smile. </p><p>“What?” Before Sonnett can even answer, Rose continues. “Your eyes are beautiful, Sonny. I don’t ever think I’ve told you that, but they are.”</p><p>“You just- I can’t say no to you, Rosie,” Sonnett blurts out, the compliment sending her into a panic. Rose can compliment people on the field. Rose can compliment people sarcastically and then it's fine. But this was in a bed and sounded very, very sincere.</p><p>Rose sits a little straighter and sets her mug on her nightstand so she can help Sonnett out of her windbreaker. “Then stop trying.” She moves closer until she’s leaning her cheek against Sonnett’s back.</p><p>"I need that," Sonnett mumbles as Rose throws her windbreaker across the room at a chair. "You're the one who keeps talking about the bad weather."</p><p>"You're not leaving. What do you need it for?"</p><p>“Why are you being like this?” Sonnett wants to know, because she suddenly feels hot all over even though she’s got one less layer on now, and she doesn’t think she can convince herself it’s the drink or the fire.</p><p>“Like what?” Rose asks innocently.</p><p>“This!” Sonnett says too loudly. “All pushy and demanding.” Except this is generally how Rose has always been, it’s just <em> different </em>now.</p><p>“Because you’re here. You were in the airport about to board your flight back to Atlanta, and instead you hopped on a train and came here. That means something, you can’t tell me it doesn’t. So now that you’re here, I want you to stay.”</p><p>Sonnett doesn’t want Rose to have any inkling that she’s right. “I already stayed for two days.”</p><p>“Two days I’ve been wondering what your lips feel like, and I still don’t know,” Rose says bravely, because Sonnett’s frustration seems to be growing, and Rose thinks she might actually leave.</p><p>“We’re friends...”</p><p>“They’re all I’ve been able to think about since you got here. They’ve been a good distraction,”</p><p>“Rose, I’m gonna go.” She can't lose Rose as a friend. Like CANNOT. This is not worth the risk. If she leaves, they'll be fine.  But she makes zero effort to get up, her bum glued to the bed the same way her eyes are glued to Rose.</p><p>Rose sees that as the sign she’s been waiting for. She leans forward, enough, but not quiet enough, and bites her lip as Sonnett shifts a single inch closer. Rose drops a quick, soft kiss on Sonnett’s lips, and then sits back to study her. “It’s cold. And dark. And rainy. Stay.”</p><p>Maybe Sonnett had imagined what their first kiss would be like. Maybe she had imagined it last night, pressed up against Rose’s back, trying to make her feel safe when her whole world seemed uncertain. That little peck wasn’t it, but that little peck leaves her yearning for more. “What was that for?”</p><p>“If you’re leaving, I want you to at least think of me when you go see her. I want to throw my hat in the ring.”</p><p>“Her, who? What ring?” Sonnett’s eyebrows knit together as she tries to figure out where Rose is going with this.</p><p>“Come on, Sonnett. Do you have to go because you have to go home, or is it because you want to go see someone?”</p><p>“What are you talking about, Rose?” she asks, her voice barely audible over the music quietly playing in the background. By now, she knows exactly who Rose is referring to. </p><p>Lindsey.</p><p>Lindsey with her on again, off again boyfriend. </p><p>Lindsey, who has used Sonnett as a stand-in during those off again times.</p><p>Lindsey, who captured Sonnett’s heart in a vice-grip almost five years ago and has never shown any signs of letting up. </p><p>Lindsey, who’s somehow managed to stay single for the past six months, longer than she ever has, and Rose can’t help but wonder if it’s because she’s finally ready for something with Sonnett. Except it’s not fair, because she had her chance. She had so many chances.</p><p>Lindsey, the person every single one of their teammates is certain Sonnett will never stop pining over. Except she did. She has. She wasn’t trying to - she wasn’t even really sure she had until she saw Rose in camp - but the distance and the time made Sonnett’s crush on Lindsey fade away like a truck rumbling down a dirt road. </p><p>And Rose doesn’t know this.</p><p>Rose gives her a knowing look, it's pained but not surprised. “You haven’t seen her in almost a year. And she had COVID. You can’t tell me you’re not going to visit her sometime when you’re home. So I want to know if that’s why you’re rushing out of here.”</p><p>“I’m not rushing,” Sonnett protests.</p><p>“You are. And I want to know if it’s to go see Lindsey.”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>But Rose doesn’t believe her, and now the stakes seem a little bit higher, like this is her only shot. So she says what she's been waiting for years to say, and she crosses her fingers that it's not too much for Sonnett. “She’s had years to choose you, Son. <em> Years </em>. I love her, but it’s not fair. It’s not fair that she strings you along and she won’t choose you. You’re good. You’re so unbelievably good. And you deserve someone who will choose you. And be good to you, too.”</p><p>“And who’s gonna choose me, Rosie?” Sonnett croaks, because there's really no one who ever seems to be in a place to choose her. Then again, she hasn't actually let herself be open to being chosen.</p><p>“I’m right here, Sonnett.  I’ve been right here, right in front of you this whole time, just waiting for you to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back. But you never notice me. I guess I'm too plain. Too boring. Too childlike. To safe for you.”</p><p>“I don’t love her. Not like that. I don’t even… it’s not like that. I haven’t thought about her like that in months. And I’m not going back to see her. I need to see my family is all. Emma got engaged and I wasn’t even there. They all got to be there and I had to miss it,” Sonnett explains, and she laces her fingers together with Rose’s to try to show that she means it.</p><p>“You’re really not gonna go see her?” Rose's tone turns up hopefully.</p><p>“No. We have camp in less than two months. I’ll see her then. I don’t still… I don’t still have a crush on her. I mean it. I don’t. And I do see you.” She hasn’t always, Rose is right about that. For a long time, she missed how beautiful Rose is, how hypnotic her blue eyes are, how her hair glows in the light like it’s on fire, how steady she’s always been in Sonnett’s life. She missed it all when they were together so often that she didn't appreciate it, and when her attention was on someone she’d never have, not for real at least. But while the time and distance between her and Lindsey made the missing easier, the time and distance between her and Rose made what she had missed clearer. Rose isn’t the only one who had been wondering what someone’s lips felt like; it’s all Sonnett could think about in camp. It’s why she winked at her friend in the huddle before the game; Rose caught her staring right at her lips, and Sonnett needed a way to hide it. “I see you and you’re amazing, Rosie,” Sonnett adds shyly.</p><p>“Then stay. One more night.” Rose’s voice is gentle and the kiss she places on the back of Sonnett’s hand is equally so.</p><p>“Sam’s gonna start thinking that-”</p><p>“So?” Rose interrupts, impatiently waiting for an answer.</p><p>“So she’s gonna tell Kristie.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And Kristie will tell literally everyone at camp next month,” Sonnett hisses through her teeth, because she feels like she’s about to yell and she doesn’t need Sam hearing her.</p><p>“Let her,” Rose shrugs.</p><p>“You really don’t care if people know?”</p><p>“No, Son. I don’t. I like you. Why would I care if our friends know that? Do you?”</p><p>It's kinda cute that Rose seems so sure about that. Probably because she knows no one will mess with her because if they try, the payback will be tenfold. “Do I like you or do I care if they know?” Sonnett asks for clarity.</p><p>“Both.”</p><p>“I- I guess not.” Rose’s face falls. “No! Sorry! I mean, I guess I don’t care if they know. I do like you, though. Kind of a lot.”</p><p>“Kind of a lot? What is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Like, I kinda liked it when you kissed me,” Sonnett bites the inside of her cheek nervously and looks away from Rose’s piercing eyes.</p><p>“Kinda?” Rose asks incredulously. "That's a little insulting."</p><p>“No, that's not what I mean. I mean, it wasn’t what I was expecting.”</p><p>“What were you expecting, Son?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe just… you know…” Leave it to Rose to make her so nervous she can't even talk.</p><p>“I <em> don’t </em>know,” Rose cocks her head to the side.</p><p>Sonnett huffs. Rose is always so damn difficult.  “You make me nervous. You know that?” But Rose just waits patiently. “Just… God… more?” she squeaks out</p><p>“More?” Rose raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah, more.”</p><p>“You should show me what you were expecting.”</p><p>“Me?” They just kissed - technically - but suddenly, Sonnett feels like she can’t breathe properly anymore. Then it crosses her mind that if she doesn’t get herself together, Rose will absolutely tell their teammates that Sonnett was too chicken to kiss her. She’ll never live that down. They won’t let her. Ever.</p><p>“You know this brace makes it really hard to move, so if you’re not going to kiss me, can you at least scoot back over here so I can do a better job.”</p><p>Sonnett closes the gap between them with the enthusiasm of a child offered a special treat. Her hand finds Rose’s cheek and she slowly explores the perfectly smooth, porcelain skin under her fingertips. “I- I- I- can do it,” she managers to stutter out, because even though this is nerve-wracking in a way that no other kiss since her first kiss has been, she knows she's good at it.  She brushes their lips together, but doesn’t pull back, savoring the softness. And then she captures Rose’s bottom lip between hers, sucking gently. It’s not perfect - she’s smiling too much for that - but it’s everything she’s been wanting because it's Rose.</p><p>Rose gets her lip free of Sonnet's. “Change your flight. I’ll pay the difference.”</p><p>“You really want me to stay?”</p><p>“Yes, you fool. Keep showing me how you like being kissed.” Rose fists her hands into Sonnett’s hoodie and pulls her back in.</p><p>The third time around is slower. Deeper. Less teasing. More connection. More tongue. More handsy. Sonnett thinks she could kiss Rose like this all night. In fact, she plans on doing just that because tonight has to last them until January camp. She kisses Rose down into the mattress, careful of her leg, and the new position they find is so much better, especially for their hands, now skating across each other's skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Rose, do you need anything before-” Sam starts as she comes through the door, already so habituated to checking in on her teammate before bed that she forgot Sonnett was still there. “Oh my God!!!!” she screeches. “What is this?” Sonnett shoots up off of Rose in an absolute panic. It feels as embarrassing as when she got caught by her mom in high school.</p><p>“I thought you said she suspected something.” Rose ignores Sam to look pointedly at Sonnett. </p><p>“I thought she did,” Sonnett shrugs helplessly.</p><p>“Thought I suspected what?” Sam’s voice is shrill.</p><p>“Thought you thought it was weird I was staying.”</p><p>“Well yeah, I did, but I didn’t think <em> this </em>is why you were staying!”</p><p>“Uhhh…” Sonnett has no idea what to do. When they talked about their friends knowing, this isn’t exactly what she pictured.</p><p>Rose snorts at how uncomfortable Sonnett is, and decides to lean in and wrap her arms around Sonnett's chest to make it worse. “Yep, she stayed for <em> allllll </em>this,” Rose points to herself with a giant smirk. “Except she criticized my kissing skills,” she adds, throwing Sonnett under the bus, “so now she’s showing me how I should have kissed her.”</p><p>It’s enough to distract Sam from her freak out. “Seriously, Sonnett? That’s so rude!”</p><p>“No, I- I- I- didn’t mean- I-”</p><p>“She said it wasn’t what she expected,” Rose says like she’s hurt when Sonnett knows damn well she’s not. She stares up at the ceiling helplessly.  This is what dating Rose is going to be like.</p><p>But Sam doesn’t know that Rose is teasing. She never gets it. “Sonnett!”</p><p>“Oh, good God!” Sonnett buries her face in her hands, horrified. “Can you leave me alone. Please,” she pleads. “Both of you.”</p><p>“Yep, I didn’t want to see this,” Sam says backing out of the room and closing the door behind her.</p><p>Rose flops back on the bed in a fit of laughter.</p><p>“Not funny, Rosie.”</p><p>“Oh, come on. Where’s your sense of humor?” Sonnett continues to glare at her. Rose rolls her eyes with a dramatically loud sigh. “Come here, ya big baby.” She tugs Sonnett down onto her. “Dating you is gonna be so much fun, Sonny.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Don’t Forget Who Said It First (Emily+Kristie)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>One time Sonnett tries not to get in too deep.<br/>One time she realizes it’s probably too late.<br/>And one time she decides she’s glad she’s so far gone, because Kristie is a goner, too.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pretend COVID doesn't exist or the vax was effective or whatever you need to do to believe that they could actually have roommates again and SheBelieves will actually happen please.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>“I really can’t stay,” Sonnett tries to roll off of Kristie.</p><p>“But it’s cold out there,” Kristie protests, soft kisses along Sonnett’s hairline and a heavy arm across her back meant to convince her to stay put.</p><p>“Oh yeah? Out there? Like in our room or what?” Sonnett chuckles.</p><p>“Well you turned the heater off,” Kristie reminds her.</p><p>“Well you make me hot! You’re a whole-ass workout, babe. Come on, lemme go.”</p><p>“Think of how cold your sheets are going to be,” Kristie tries to reason with her. “Cold sheets are the absolute worst.”</p><p>She’s not wrong. This little cocoon they've built under the covers <em>is</em> warm. Cozy. Ok, it’s a little sweaty, but it’s pretty perfect. Still… that’s not the point. “No, wet sheets when Rose dumps a bucket of ice water on you in the middle of the night are the absolute worst. I survived that. I can survive anything.”</p><p>“But should this be about survival when comfort is an option?” Kristie’s hands move lower, sliding over Sonnett’s ass. “So, like, have you been doing one of those squat challenges, or what? This peach of yours is noticeably rounder, and I like it,” she tries to change the subject.</p><p>“Kris,” Sonnett says, fighting off a smile as she sits up and straddles the older woman, “this is fun. Let’s keep it that way.” See, it’s one thing to date Kristie. To have sex with her. Lots of sex. Really, really good sex. But that's also not the point. Falling asleep next to her every night during this camp and tournament, that’s on a level that Sonnett doesn’t think she’s ready for.</p><p>Kristie pulls her halfway down, meeting her lips with a kiss. “Your hands are freezing. I have the perfect place to warm them.”</p><p>The self-control it takes to ignore that one. “People are going to find out.”</p><p>“Who, Son? Who’s going to find out? We are literally the only people with keys to this room.”</p><p>But Sonnett isn’t afraid of someone walking in on them. She’s afraid that the connection they have is starting to spill over to team activities and becoming more noticeable. And sleeping in a separate bed five feet away feels like it would make a big difference right now. “I think Lindsey’s starting to catch on. She was staring at us today at lunch.”</p><p>“She was staring at you. Because you had spinach in your teeth. Why are you trying so hard to get out of my bed?”</p><p>“I’m not.” (She is.) “Rose is starting to ask questions,” Sonnett continues. “Like, she asked how things are going with your team. Now why would I know that? It was like she was trying to trip me up because I shouldn’t know every damn detail of your Challenge Cup prep.”</p><p>“Mmhmm,” Kristie mumbles, more interested leaving a trail of kisses across Sonnett’s shoulder. "I'll stop telling you things then."</p><p>“Maybe I should just go back to my bed.”</p><p>“Don’t,” Kristie stops and looks at her. “The environmentally friendly thing would be to stay here, where it’s warm, and let <em>me</em> keep you warm instead of being responsible for the burning of more fossil fuels.”</p><p>Despite her seriousness, Sonnett busts out in a fit of laughter. “Fossil fuels?” she chokes out, and then starts laughing all over again. “Hold on, you’re trying to convince me to stay by arguing that naked you saves the environment?”</p><p>Kristie wastes no time proving her point, that she can warm those frozen hands, dragging one of Sonnett’s down her stomach to the junction of her thighs.</p><p>And how is she supposed to say no to that, to Kristie guiding her over her smooth mons, using Sonnett’s fingers to separate her lips, teasing around her entrance. “Fuck, you are warm,” Sonnett moans at the feeling of Kristie, so wet all over again.</p><p>“I told you, baby,” Kristie nibbles on her earlobe because she knows it drives Sonnett crazy. “Don’t doubt me.”</p><p>“Fine,” Sonnett grits out, so turned on at the prospect of making Kristie come again that she can’t even keep her own hips still, “maybe one more time.” Kristie grins. “Stop smiling like that!”</p><p>“Ok.” Kristie relents and reaches over to grab her phone.</p><p>“And stop being romantic. We don’t need mood music.”</p><p>“I like mood music.” Sonnett’s about to continue her protest, but Kristie plunges two of Sonnett’s fingers inside her, effectively silencing the younger defender.</p><p>“You’re not gonna get out of bed after you fuck me, right?” Kristie manages to breathe out before she can no longer form complete sentences. A symphony of curse words and moans, panting and begging fills Sonnett’s ears, and she knows she’s not going back to her bed tonight.</p><p>But there’s always tomorrow.</p><p>A brand new day to try again.</p><p>To be stronger, because strong people don't get hurt.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The thud of the heavy door slamming shut is still ringing in their dimly lit room when Kristie pins Sonnett up against the wall with a loud crash. The days drag on, leaving Kristie impatiently waiting for a socially acceptable time to call it a night, but game days verge on tortuous.</p><p>The mid-afternoon, pre-departure massage that she neither deserves nor needs, but Sonnett swears will make her play better; she gives it even though they both know Kristie’s unlikely to come off the bench.</p><p>The inevitably of Sonnett dancing in the change room post-victory, always half-naked. She dances up against Rose and Kelley, making Kristie feel a pang of jealously in the pit of her stomach. And she dances up against Kristie, testing the older woman’s ability to keep her hands to herself and her expression neutral.</p><p>The required ice bath that could be with anyone next to her, and yet, it always seems to be Sonnett squeezed into that small space. Teeth chattering. Nipples hard. Poking Kristie’s calf with her big toe in this equal parts annoying and endearing way.</p><p>The long bus ride with Sonnett sitting up front holding Lindsey’s hand that leaves Kristie dealing with her own insecurity, when she knows she has no need to be.</p><p>And that final bit, the packed elevator ride and the long walk down the hallway that seems to drag on. All Kristie wants to do is tuck her arm into Sonnett’s as they make their way to their room, like the couple they are. </p><p>The tension built over hours, wrapped up in Kristie’s stomach, comes unknotted with that kiss. At least momentarily.</p><p>But Sonnett’s not having it, not after the loud bump against their shared wall has scared her. “Kris, we have neighbors. Who are teammates.”</p><p>It’s the last thing Kristie wants to hear tonight. “I don’t care.”</p><p>“Yeah? Well I do.”</p><p>“It’s Christen and Tobin. Like, come on. Out of everyone, they are not going to judge us.” Kristie licks her lips and sucks in the lower one, biting down.</p><p>“Stop looking at me like that.”</p><p>“Like what?” the older woman asks innocently.</p><p>“That!”</p><p>“I can’t help it. Your eyes are mesmerizing.”</p><p>“You’re looking at my lips," Sonnett points out.</p><p>“Your lips are mesmerizing, too.”</p><p>“You’re mesmerizing,” Sonnett says with a huff. Kristie leans in to kiss her, but Sonnett ducks under her arm. “We’ve had a long day,” Sonnett heads for her bed. <em>Hers, </em>because they’re moving too fast. Or maybe not too fast… for Kristie, but that’s because Kristie probably doesn’t mean the things she says. Not the “I really like yous” whispered so quietly in passing that only Sonnett can hear, and probably with the sole intention of getting a rise out of her. Not the “stays,” separate from their teasing banter, the ones spoken in an almost pleading tone and accompanied by lingering kisses over her heart. Not the tired ramblings as Kristie falls asleep next to her; she seems so vulnerable then, sad, spilling her guts the way a drunk person might.</p><p>
  <em>Why are you so good to me, Sonnett?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why do you even like me when I’m such a mess?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why don’t we fight? Don’t you wanna get mad at me about something?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why did I stay with her for so long if we fought so much?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you think she ever really loved me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Do you think you’ll ever love me?</em>
</p><p>Sonnett’s never expected to answer any of it, thank God, and Kristie probably wouldn’t even know if she did. It’s this strange, but exceptionally cute, quirk of hers when she’s exhausted. It’s almost like she’s talking in her sleep. She never really remembers when Sonnett teases her about it in the morning. Sometimes, Sonnett has whispered an answer to the last question into her hair as Kristie relaxes against her and her breathing slows. If she’s too tired to know, there’s no harm in it. And she could fall in love with this woman, this sensual, almost forbidden, magnificent woman, if she would just let herself.</p><p>But it’s too fast because Kristie doesn’t feel the same way she does; there’s no way she could because they’re not in the same league. Not even close. So it’s easy for Sonnett to be good to her, to look past what Kristie calls her “mess,” or maybe like her because her past is what makes her her. And while Kristie is content to cuddle into Sonnett’s side every night, and that should be easy, Sonnett can’t help but think about how much harder this will make things, in the end. She falls in love with her a little more every time she watches her sleep. Every time her eyes open to Kristie’s staring right back at her in the morning. Every time Kristie’s lips are soft on hers, not hungry and aggressive. Hungry and aggressive would be easier. Hungry and aggressive would kick this back to her brain, not leave it to her heart. The problem is, Sonnett can’t control any of those things, but she should be able to control what bed she sleeps in. It should be hers. And it should be alone. It’s harder to fall in love alone.</p><p>“You look cute in a beanie.” Kristie stops between her legs</p><p>Sonnett blushes. She can’t help that either; it’s still kind of a lot to have Kristie compliment her.</p><p>“I look cute in anything,” Sonnett forces herself to recover with the same speed she does on the field, and she stares up at Kristie with the same confident look she’s perfected over the past few months.</p><p>“True,” Kristie murmurs, taking Sonnett’s beanie off.</p><p>Sonnett runs her hand through her hair nervously, trying to fix what she knows are staticky flyaways probably standing on end now in the cold, dry air. "Can- can I just... have that back," she stumbles over her words, reaching for her beanie, but she doesn't put a whole lot of effort into it. The way Kristie looks at her calms her, and makes her question if she should even bother to keep trying to fight this spell that Kristie can so easily put her under, or just ride it for all it’s worth for as long as she can.</p><p>Kristie’s knees sink into the mattress on either side of Sonnett as she moves onto the bed, framing her face, studying her. And Sonnett slowly moves back with her. Their eyes never leave each other’s, Kristie afraid that if she looks away, Sonnett will disappear, and Sonnett fearing even in something as brief as a blink, she could open her eyes to find this isn’t real, this seems that tenuous to her. The tension is palpable, but so is the realization that they are more than either is willing to admit.</p><p>When their lips finally meet, it’s with a promise of realness from Kristie and a primal desire from Sonnett. It’s hot and desperate. It’s more than a shared breath or a shared moment; it’s a union that proves their closeness. It’s Sonnett’s brain and heart and body finally all working in concert. She has no intention of letting Kristie go, of giving her a reason to want to go. Not from her bed tonight - as she wraps her legs around Kristie’s waist - and not from her life, even if that means she’s risking her heart in the process.</p><p>”Need you,” she whines against Kristie’s neck, as Kristie works her shirt over her head. But if Sonnett thought those words would hurry this along, she was mistaken. Kristie could spend hours kissing her, staring into her eyes, appreciating the way she jumps as her lips and hands explore all the places she already knows so well but never tires of. The way Kristie touches her, undresses her, it feels teasing; it’s not meant to be.</p><p>When she finally licks through Sonnett’s center, that tension is released in a loudly shouted curse.</p><p>”Shhh!” Kristie stills against her.</p><p>“Kris! Quit fucking around!” Sonnett whimpers. She almost doesn't even care anymore who hears them because she feels like she’s going to explode.</p><p>“I thought you didn't want to deal with my sister."</p><p>“Don't talk about Sam when we're naked. Fuck, Kris, please, keep going,” Sonnett's begging now.</p><p>“You gotta be quiet,” Kristie mocks her, drawing immense pleasure from the way the tables have turned, Sonnett desperately trying to tilt her hips to meet Kristie’s warm mouth again.</p><p>“I can’t help how good you are. And you buttered me up with all that kissing. God, I can't resist you!"</p><p>“Is that all it takes for you, really?”</p><p>“Your lips anywhere on me is all it takes.”</p><p>“Too easy," Kristie chuckles.</p><p>“They make me easier than alcohol does.”</p><p>“Your eyes are gorgeous,” Kristie props her chin on Sonnett’s stomach, looking at her from under her long lashes.</p><p>“Stop trying to flirt, you already have me naked.”</p><p>“Not trying to flirt,” Kristie circles her entrance with a lone finger. “Trying to make sure you spend all night with me.” She tries to make it sound light, tries to mask the seriousness of the statement by burying her face between Sonnett’s legs and occupying her tongue so she doesn’t say anything else. It’s not that hard, really, to forget that she wants more out of their relationship when Sonnett seems to be pulling away. Not when her focus is solely on the way Sonnett moves and sounds and tastes. Not when she can read Sonnett well enough to bring her to orgasm and bring her back down only to do it again and again and again. Sex is easy. She’s good at it. And right now, it’s not that far-fetched for her to convince herself that the only way to make sure she gets to fall asleep in her girlfriends’ arms tonight is to leave the sheet beneath them soaking.</p><p>As she shudders though the waves of that final orgasm, with Kristie cooing in her ear, Sonnett can’t imagine ever wanting to spend a night in her own bed alone again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Sonnett hisses when she looks up from washing her hands to find Kristie’s reflection in the bathroom mirror. Their last SheBelieves match complete, a bunch of them thought it would be a good idea to get out and celebrate their victory, but now she’s not so sure. Her girlfriend standing behind her shocks her even though it probably shouldn’t. Kristie’s been giving her signals all night, touching her under the table, brushing against her when she passes to go to the bar for another drink, casually resting her hand on the back of Sonnett’s chair as she talks, wildly flailing her other hand around in excitement. But when she expects to be pressed into a wall or lifted up onto the counter, backed into a stall, felt up, kissed until she can’t breathe or think or retain enough composure to put a stop to it all, Kristie gently guides her around by the hip.</p><p>“Hi.” It’s soft. She looks more like she adores Sonnett than she wants to devour her.</p><p>“Hey,” Sonnett studies her face, trying to determine why things seem to have shifted, because the air in the small space feels very different right now, to the point that it’s suffocating. “I should um, go back.” But Kristie doesn’t budge. “They’re not stupid,” Sonnett sighs. “If we stay in here too long, they’ll know. They’re nosy as fuck. They’ll come looking for us.” She looks past Kristie nervously, first at the door, then at the empty stalls. “I mean, I can be quick if you want me to…”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>It’s hurried and decisive, leaving no room for interpretation, and Sonnett can’t help that her face falls a little bit. As much as she sometimes tries to fight Kristie wanting her, she has to admit that it hurts her pride a little when she doesn’t. “No? Ok, do you want to go? I can leave, and wait 5 minutes or so and get an Uber, and then if you wait like another 5 minutes after that, it’ll probably be here. Buy them another round of drinks and they won’t put two and two together, and we’ll go back to the hotel,” Sonnett rambles through her makeshift plan.</p><p>“It’s cold outside,” Kristie’s voice is low, reserved.</p><p>“I think I can handle 10 minutes in the cold. But if you’re really worried, give me your coat.”</p><p>“I don’t want you to go.”</p><p>“You don’t want me to fuck you in here. You don’t want to go back to the hotel,” Sonnett processes the situation aloud, and the more she thinks about it, the more it seems like maybe they’re breaking up. She has no idea why, but it would explain the damper on Kristie’s enthusiasm all of a sudden. “I don’t get it. What do you want, Kris? Did I do something wrong?”</p><p>“I want you to like me as much as I like you.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Sonnett shakes her head with a little chuff. “That’s not exactly how this goes.” She looks up at Kristie and almost laughs in relief, but Kristie’s not smiling.</p><p>“How do you not see it, Son? How I feel about you.” The light that is Emily Sonnett is the only reason she was able to keep her heart open though all of her grief from the loss of her relationship, and that’s the only reason she’s been able to find love again. Sonnett made her not fear starting over, and it’s like the younger woman doesn’t even see it. </p><p>“How do <em>you</em> not see how I feel about <em>you</em>?” Sonnett counters. “It’s in the way I look at you. The way I touch you,” Sonnett holds Kristie’s hands by her side. “Every time I kiss you, I’m trying to tell you how I feel. What more do you need from me?”</p><p>Maybe she doesn’t need anything else, but she does want something else. “I want you to walk back out there holding my hand.”</p><p>“Kristie…” It’s not that she’s embarrassed; quiet the opposite in fact. Kristie is the type of woman by nature, she would hold hands with, and put her arm around, and dance with, and kiss in front of anyone and everyone… except their teammates. That comes with a special kind of teasing because they’d all know too much. As good as she is at pretending things don’t bother her, they do, and she doesn’t want her relationship subject to all the jokes and questions that will follow. She doesn’t want things to be different, with Sam especially.</p><p>“I know they’ll know then and you think it’ll change everything…”</p><p>“I don’t think that. The idea of people knowing doesn’t scare me,” she lies. “I just can’t deal with your sister.”</p><p>Kristie rolls her eyes. “Sammy’s a teddy bear. You’re not even the one who has to go home with her.”</p><p>“I have to play with her. That’s worse!” Sonnett squeaks. “They’ll all talk about us behind our backs, to our faces, in the group chat. It’ll be like middle school but worse with them. They’re worse than middle school girls.”</p><p>“I don’t really care. All I’ve been able to think about all night is kissing you. You didn’t have to come out looking like that,” Kristie says, and finally, as she looks Sonnett over, in her fuzzy white turtleneck and ripped jeans, and boots, a little bit of that hunger flashes in her eyes. It’s entirely too much clothing for a bar, and for Kristie’s usual taste, and yet she looks absolutely gorgeous just like she is. There’s nothing Kristie would change about her. “I can’t keep this up, this sneaking around. I just want to be with you,” Kristie says softly, stepping closer so Sonnett will hug her.</p><p>“You really don’t want to just go?” Sonnett mumbles into her neck, and Kristie shakes her head. “Ok. Fine. Let’s go have another drink then.” Sonnett takes Kristie’s hand and leads her back to the table before her mind decides to change itself.</p><p>Kelley is the first to notice. Her eyes go wide, but she doesn’t say a word, which for Kelley, is remarkable. It takes Sam a moment, even after Rose starts jumping up and down, squealing like a schoolgirl, and Lindsey starts clapping.</p><p>“No! No, no, no, no, no, no. <em>You</em> cannot be my sister’s rebound! Literally, Kristie, find anyone else for your rebound," Sam groans. "Why does it have to be a teammate?” Sam’s voice is panicked and she sounds on the verge of tears, and Sonnett doesn’t know if she’s supposed to go comfort her girlfriend’s sister or if doing so will result in an injury.</p><p>“Um… I think it’s past the time of me needing a rebound,” Kristie says nonchalantly.</p><p>“Kristie, there are no rules to going through a breakup. It’s ok to take your time to decide you want to sleep with someone again. But that someone cannot be Sonnett!”</p><p>“Hello,” Sonnett waves her hand in Sam’s face. “I’m right here!”</p><p>Sam just pushes her hand out of the way and ignores her. “Sonnett cannot be your rebound,” she yells at her sister.</p><p>“Um, rude! Why not?” For the second time tonight, Sonnett’s actually a little hurt.</p><p>“Because when it’s over, I’m picking my sister, even if she is the one who ends it. I can’t pick you over her. This is a disaster. Can you two pretend you didn’t go make out in the bathroom and just now?” Sam wails, burying her head in her hands.</p><p>“Why does there have to be picking?” Sonnett wants to know.</p><p>“What do you mean why? Because it’ll end and then sides have to be picked. And I love you Son, but I’ll pick my sister over you.”</p><p>“This is kinda like, a dark conversation,” Rose says under her breath to no one in particular, but Sam hears her.</p><p>“It’s not. A rebound, by definition, doesn’t last forever. They’re going to break up,” Sam argues, not even bothering to look up at Rose.</p><p>“What’s up with you, Sam? Negative Nancy is my role, stay in your lane,” Rose shoves her shoulder. “I’ll pick you when you guys break up, Son.”</p><p>“There’s not going to be breaking up,” Sonnett protests, looking between her two friends and her girlfriend.</p><p>“Yeah, me, too,” Lindsey agrees. “But honestly, Sam, she’s pretty good for a rebound.”</p><p>“Yep, second that,” Kelley chimes in. “Also, I’ll pick you, too. Sorry, Kristie.”</p><p>“Wait, so are you just like everyone’s rebound, or what?” Kristie grabs Sonnett’s cheeks to force the younger woman to look at her. They’re flushed and she’s biting her lip, and Kristie rolls her eyes again. “God, how did I not know this?”</p><p>“I’m a good friend?” Sonnett throws her hands up in desperation.</p><p>“Jane will pick you, Kris. So will Alyssa. Maybe even Abby,” Sam slurs, and for a moment, it sounds like she’s calmed down. But then, she’s sitting up straight and distraught all over again. “Which would be fine, except by then, half our team is going to be at war! So you two cannot do,” she waves her hand between them with a disgusted look on her face, “whatever this is.”</p><p>“Y’all! Stop!” Sonnett shouts, and it’s loud enough that everyone actually does stop talking. It’s loud enough that a few patrons milling around the bar look at the group. “I’m not her rebound. I’m not your rebound, right?” she looks at Kristie, suddenly unsure. Kristie shakes her head. “I love her, y’all. We’re not breaking up. It’s not just going to end. There’s not going to be any picking sides or-”</p><p>“Wait, really?” Kristie interrupts.</p><p>“Yes, really,” Sonnett turns back to her and says softly.</p><p>“Oh my God, look,” Kelley whispers loudly because she is incapable of whispering like a normal person, “she looks like she’s about to cry. Both Mewis’ are sappy, emotional drunks. Cute!”  Kristie glares at her through her watery eyes.</p><p>“Wait, you can’t just go into the bathroom, make out, and decide you're in love with my sister, Sonnett. Next thing, you two are going to be requesting trades and U-Hauling and I’m not going to allow it.”</p><p>Tobin, who’s been quiet this whole time snorts, and Sonnett kicks her chair.</p><p>“What, Tobes?” Sam moans, because there’s nothing that Tobin could possibly know that could be good as far as Sam is concerned. Everyone’s attention turns to the older brunette. Tobin just juts her lower lip out and shrugs her shoulders. “What do you know!?!” Sam demands, loudly enough that people start to look at them again.</p><p>“Dude, we can’t take you anywhere,” she squints at Sam, but ignores her question to focus on Kristie. “This would probably be a good time to say it back, or the kid’s gonna freak out.”</p><p>Kristie, now equally red, turns to Sonnett. “I love you too, babe.”</p><p>“Babe!” Sam screeches. “Babe? You cannot call her babe!”</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Sam. What do you want me to call her?”</p><p>“Sonnett! Her name is Sonnett. You can’t just start calling her babe. I think I’m going to be sick.” And she truly does look a little pale.</p><p>“This isn’t new. We’ve been dating,” Kristie tries to explain, but she’s interrupted again.</p><p>“Dating? What does that even mean? Sonnett’s like… you don’t <em>date</em> Sonnett.”</p><p>“Like, we’ve been together.”</p><p>“Together? For how long?”</p><p>“Almost 5 months?”</p><p>“What!” Sam shrieks. </p><p>“Oh my god, lower your volume, we’re in public.”</p><p>“See, I told you. Not a rebound,” Sonnett says proudly.</p><p>“Definitely not a rebound, baby,” Kristie squeezes her hand.</p><p>“That’s so much worse. Don’t do that.” Sam makes a gagging sound before recovering to return to her role of protector of her older sister. “No! You guys can’t be together.”</p><p>“I mean, she could do worse, Sam.” Lindsey points out.</p><p>Sonnett nods in agreement. “Thanks, Linds. I think?”</p><p>“Sammy, she’s really good to me. You know she’s a great person.”</p><p>“But you’re my sister. And she’s one of my best friends. I can’t- I can’t even wrap my head around this. She’s… she’s Sonnett. She’s not exactly dating material.”</p><p>“I told you this was going to be a disaster,” Sonnett mutters into Kristie’s shoulder, turning away from the group.</p><p>“Sammy…” Kristie’s a mixture of annoyed that Sonnett was right and sad that her sister is being so dramatic about this, especially because she sounds like she’s genuinely against it.</p><p>“She’s make you smile till your cheeks hurt even on your worst day material,” Christen says quietly, and Sonnett breathes a huge sigh of relief, because Pressy coming to her defense is huge. And that starts a whole waterfall of compliments from her friends that she never expected.</p><p>“She’s give you a hug that makes you feel like everything’s going to be ok even if it’s not material,” Kelley adds.</p><p>“She’s memorize your coffee order and show up without calling, cup in hand, because she knows you need to talk but sometimes sitting in silence is easier material.” Lindsey chimes in.</p><p>“She’s cook you dinner <em>and</em> do the dishes material,” Rose throws out.</p><p>“Rose! Shh! I don’t need people knowing that.”</p><p>“That’s some bullshit! She makes me do my own dishes! And she makes a damn mess in the kitchen with all her ‘prepping,’” Lindsey shouts.</p><p>“What the fuck, Son, you never cook for me!” Kelley shoves her shoulder.</p><p>This is more what Sonnett’s used to.</p><p>“She’s remind you that you still deserve love after your heart’s been broken material,” Kristie says softly, staring into Sonnett’s eyes amongst all their chaos and fighting, and everyone stops to look at her. “I really love her, Sammy.”</p><p>“Mom’s gonna flip out.” By now, Sam’s head is on the table, like she’s resigned herself to this but she wants everyone to know she’s not happy about it.</p><p>“She’s not gonna flip out. She’s going to invite her to every holiday,” Kristie says knowingly. “You can say no. Mom’s a little extra.”</p><p>“Dad’s going to give her the third degree,” Sam’s almost talking to herself now.</p><p>“That’s true, Son, he will.”</p><p>“You can’t date my friends,” Sam says weakly.</p><p>“Kinda too late for that, sis.”</p><p>“Ooookkkk, so this has been so much fun, but I think it’s time for my girl and me to go back to the hotel and leave y’all to talk behind our backs or help Sam process this or whatever. But it would be super cool if she doesn't get so drunk that she doesn't remember any of it, because I'd rather not have to have this whole conversation again tomorrow,” Sonnett starts tugging Kristie’s hand as she moves towards the door.</p><p>Kelley lets out a snort. “That’s not why you’re going back to the hotel. You’re going back to the hotel to have sex!”</p><p>“You’re a fucking child, Kelley,” Sonnett shouts over her shoulder.</p><p>“Dude! You shoulda kept it a secret. You two are never going to get to room together again,” Tobin calls after them. “Christen and I got a year and a half out of it. You two broke after five months. Losers!”</p><p> </p><p>“You know they’re gonna give us so much shit tomorrow morning, right?” Sonnett rubs her face as they stumble out into the cold night air. “This was like the appetizer of shit.”</p><p>“Mmhm,” Kristie wraps an arm around her and works on getting them a ride.</p><p>“Like crude, rude, vulgar, inappropriate jokes and questions will abound.”</p><p>“I think I can handle it, Son. What I couldn’t handle was another day of pretending we weren’t together.”</p><p>“You mean pretending you weren’t in love with me. That’s what was hard for you, huh?” Sonnett teases. “It’s cause I’m so cute. So loveable. How long have you been in love with me, huh? Huh? Tell me!”</p><p>Kristie pokes her in the ribs. “Don’t forget who said it first.”</p><p>“You’ll never let me forget, I’m sure.” Sonnett kisses her. “How much longer til the Uber gets here?”</p><p>“Why?” Kristie pulls her back in to reignite their kiss.</p><p>“Because baby,” Sonnett whines, “it’s cold outside.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Good luck to me writing a chapter with Lindsey, because so far it seems... I cannot.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You're My North Star (Emily+Lindsey)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Horan clan ski trip + Sonnett + Lindsey has to come  out x3 + fluff</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies for how long this took. I wrote 3 different versions. One involved camping and the other Arsenal, and then I just came back to the original because of course I did. But this is done done now, so enjoy, or don't. Merry Christmas, et al.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Sonny, we can’t stay in bed all day,” Lindsey whispers, her fingers following the lines of Emily’s cheekbone, in a gentle attempt to rouse her from her half-slumber.</p><p>“Baby,” Emily uses her best whiney voice, the one she knows Lindsey can’t resist, “it’s soooo cold outside.”</p><p>Lindsey chuckles. They haven’t even been in Breck for a full day, and already, her girlfriend is complaining about the temperature, her Southern on full display from the warmth of their bed. “You are the one who insisted on coming on my family’s ski trip. <em> You.</em> Of course it’s cold. It’s snow. Get up,” Lindsey says more sternly, now standing over her girlfriend, and Emily’s eyes flutter open to look at her. “We gotta go.”</p><p>Emily decides right then that Lindsey is far too pretty and skiing is far too cold and complicated and potentially dangerous, so she redoubles her efforts. Besides, she wasn’t insisting on <em> skiing </em>when she invited herself, she was insisting on spending time with her girlfriend. “So cold though,” she snuggles deeper into the plush mattress, pulling the comforter up under her chin. “So nice here in bed with you.” She frees one hand from the covers to find Lindsey’s, tugging her girlfriend back down on top of her. The fact that Lindsey puts up zero resistance convinces her that the bed is definitely the place to be. “So much better,” she breathes into Lindsey’s hair, closing her eyes with every intention of falling back to sleep.</p><p>“Didn’t get enough of me last night?” Lindsey chuckles softly.</p><p>“Baby, you’re freezing,” Emily shifts her focus to working her hand under Lindsey’s t-shirt, where her skin is surprisingly not cold, but that’s not the point. “You need me to warm you up. And you know there’s no such thing as enough of you,” she adds.</p><p>And it hits Lindsey square in the chest, that. A glowing heat spreads through her at the same time an ache that feels like her heart is exploding settles. <em> Never enough.</em> After so many years of being silenced, put on a back-burner, hearing that - <em> knowing </em> that - breathes new life into her. “Babe,” Lindsey’s voice is heavy with regret, because truly, saying no is always so very hard, even when she needs to, but it’s especially hard after hearing those words, “my mom texted a while ago...”</p><p>“So? I’m sure we have a few minutes.”</p><p>“She said my dad’s already ready.”</p><p>“Think about how warm you’ll be after I- ”</p><p>“We gotta go, Dasani. Is this really the kind of impression you want to make on my parents?”</p><p>Emily huffs at that because Lindsey’s parents don’t even know. Besides, she figures what they <em> do </em>know is their own daughter well enough to assume Lindsey would be the one who made them late. “Please,” Emily wails, and this time, she juts out her lower lip for effect because her prior whining was no match for the calling of fresh powder. But she knows her pouty face is guaranteed to work. Even over FaceTime, Lindsey can never say no to that.</p><p>“How fast can you be?”</p><p>See? She knew it. “So fast! I can be so fast.” Emily flips them, surprising Lindsey, and before she even has a chance to breathe, her shirt is pushed up, Emily’s mouth is on her breast, and her underwear is being moved aside. “So fast you don’t even need to undress.”</p><p>“Fuck babe, you can’t- God,” Lindsey whines as the pads of Emily’s fingers press against her clit. “You can’t do that, there are people next door. This is a family resort.”</p><p>“You said you wanted fast.” Emily sucks in Lindsey’s nipple, her teeth dragging over it as she slowly lets go.</p><p>“Yeah, but- fuuuckkk, Em- fuck!”</p><p>Emily pulls her mouth away completely, letting the cold air surround Lindsey's hardened nipple. “It’s gotta be super good to be fast.”</p><p>“Em…”</p><p>And Emily really wants to throw a damn pillow at her so she’ll shut up and let her get back to the task at hand, but she doesn’t get a chance because Lindsey’s phone starts going off again. The younger woman tenses and groans, then rolls Emily off her and gets up, leaving her lost and staring at her backside. But she doesn’t even get that for long, as Lindsey dresses faster than Emily’s ever seen her, pulling on base layers, ski pants and a jacket. Emily flops over onto her back dramatically. “I cannot believe you just did that.”</p><p>“Did what?”</p><p>“Got out of bed. Got dressed. I thought I was better than that,” Emily pouts, and this time, it’s for real. “How can you resist this? Have you seen my abs? My v-line?” she asks, slowly raising her shirt. “How can you even? I’m offended. Hurt. No, brokenhearted."</p><p>“Baby,” Lindsey says softly, leaning over her to kiss her upside down, “you are so, so good.”</p><p>“But- ”</p><p>“But hurry up and get dressed.”</p><p>“But what if we just tell your parents we’re tired from travelling and we’ll go out with them next time around. It’s too cold for skiing anyway. Aren’t there like, frostbite rules or something? Just come lay with me.”</p><p>“Stop it.” She throws her hair in a quick ponytail and nervously flips the brim of her beanie a few times before tugging it down low over her ears. She doesn’t know what she’s worried about. It’s not like this is the first time Emily’s been around her family. It’s just that this is the first time it’s different.</p><p>“Look, Linds. It’s snowing. Do those ski lift thingys even operate when it’s snowing? Seems kinda dangerous.” By now, Emily’s crossed the room, closing the gap between them and is brushing her girlfriend’s long, blonde hair off her face, tucking it better under the brim of her beanie even though she really wants to take it off.</p><p>“Damnit, Em.” Emily furrows her brow, trying to decide if Lindsey is actually mad. She’s not, but she lift Emily's t-shirt over her head and then rather disappointingly pulls a sports bra and base layer over her bun since she doesn’t seem to be capable of dressing herself. “I love you so much,” she drops a peck on Emily’s forehead. “I want you so much. And I <em>promise</em> I’ll make this up to you. Massage tonight?”</p><p>“Pfft. Massage,” Emily shakes her head because that’s not nearly enough. “Shower with you would be a good <em> start</em>, because I’m going to be a fucking block of ice when we get back here.”</p><p>“That’s what this is for,” Lindsey throws her ski jacket and pants to her. “Trust me, you’re going to be sweating before lunch. And also, you’re going to regret passing up a massage, but I certainly won’t say no to a shower. Brush your teeth, put some pants on,” Lindsey turns Emily around by the shoulders and smacks her butt, “and let’s go. You wanted a ski trip, Sonnett, you’re getting a ski trip. Stop being afraid to suck at something.”</p><p> </p><p>*****<br/><br/></p><p>Emily doesn’t suck. Well, at first she does, foregoing the classes offered in exchange for Lindsey’s accelerated version. She gets her skis under her pretty quickly, but that’s not surprising because her balance is excellent. Skating is easy for her. The chair lift terrifies her. She thinks she’s mastered the snowplow, but when Lindsey tries to get her to link turns together, she falls a lot, and at one point, she starts skiing backwards when Lindsey tries to teach her to sideslip. That results in a scary tumble, but also a lot of laughter. She’s nearly impossible to deal with when it comes to teaching her how to get up because she’s so stubborn. And she almost knocks Mike and Lindsey out a couple of times because she forgets how she’s supposed to carry her skis and keeps throwing them over her shoulder. All in all, though, Lindsey thinks it’s a successful first day if she ignores all of the complaints about how much Emily’s backside hurts.</p><p><br/>*****<br/><br/></p><p>“Nightcap?” Emily gives a small tug on Lindsey’s sleeve, diverting her away from the elevator that her brother and his fiancé are waiting for. They don’t need anymore alcohol after polishing off a few bottles with the Horan clan at dinner, but a warm drink by a roaring fireplace also doesn’t seem like something they should pass up. The space is still decorated in holly and twinkling crystal lights, and both the bar and the sitting area are relatively empty.</p><p>Lindsey takes a quick peek around at the few remaining guests and chances a peck on Emily’s cheek. It’s late and they’re getting up early again, but the sitting area is magical. The whole day was magical, really, with Emily finding a way to make something that she’d never done still work for her as if she were in her element. Her fearlessly determined spirit, the same one that stuck in when she fell for Lindsey and never faltered while Lindsey tried to figure out what she wanted, was on full display today.  Her laugh echoed like they were in a canyon; every time she fell, it rang in Lindsey’s ears, and she couldn’t help but be thankful that the spitfire that is Emily Sonnett on the field didn’t carry over to anything else. Her natural charm fit into Lindsey’s family as easily as Mike’s fiancé. She watched her parents watch Emily at dinner. They engaged with her like she was already part of the family, were as at ease around her as they were around Lindsey and Mike; they were always so stiff and guarded when Russell was around. For every bit of Emily that didn’t want to let Lindsey out of bed this morning, they’re both on the same page now: neither of them wants the night to end even though they have two more. It’s just been one of those absolutely perfect days. <em> Peach of a day, </em>Emily had called it earlier, but mainly because she knew it would draw Lindsey’s eyes down to her peach. </p><p>“Sure.” Lindsey pulls away, leaving Emily to go to the bar alone, and heads to the storage bin near the fireplace to grab a blanket. She can’t help but steal a glance over her shoulder before she does, to find her girlfriend, still frozen in place, staring after her in awe. She doesn’t need reassurance, for once. She doesn’t doubt them; she hasn’t since the afternoon she picked up the phone and made a call across several time zones to apologize and ask if it was too late, and Emily burst out into a fit of laughter. She’s lucky this woman doesn’t believe too late exists, but little moments like that look are a nice reminder of just how right this is.</p><p>By the time Emily gets back with their drinks in hand and snuggles up next to her on the couch, Lindsey’s teary-eyed. She can’t help that there’s something about how fully and freely Emily loves her that’s overwhelming. It makes her want to be able to do the same. “God,” she clears her throat, swallowing down the amber colored liquid, “what’s in this drink?” As strong as it is, she’s thankful to have something to blame her current state on, because what is she supposed to say? <em> The way you look at me can make me cry in the middle of a hotel lobby? </em></p><p>“Um, I don’t know, really. It’s a hot toddy. They had a seasonal menu, and ‘tis the season! Want mine? It’s a hot peppermint White Russian,” she smiles, twirling the drink to show off the crushed candy cane rim. Of course Emily would get a sissy, sweet drink and bring her whiskey.</p><p>Lindsey chokes down another sip and it burns a little less this time. “No, this is fine,” she lies because she knows a) Emily would hate it and b) she would try to drink it because backing down to a challenge isn’t her, and then be passed out before they get back to their room. She angles herself towards Emily, resting her head on her arm on the back of the couch and pressing her knee into Emily’s thigh under the blanket. “So- ” she starts, but is cut off by Emily talking at the same time.</p><p>“Your eyes are extra pretty when they’re watery, they get lighter and they twinkle like the stars night light projector thing I bought you, but baby, those are happy tears, right?”</p><p>Lindsey bites her lip to direct the stinging elsewhere in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. “Yeah, Em. They’re always happy tears with you.” They could be <em> I’m drinking whiskey tears </em>, but regardless, that’s a mostly true statement. The tears after the trade weren’t happy and neither were the ones before and during the Challenge Cup. Nor were the ones that she cried when Emily told her she was going to Sweden, so she hid those. But Emily gets the point. “Stop looking at me like that,” she mumbles shyly.</p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Like you want to kiss me.”</p><p>“But I do want to kiss you,” Emily shrugs.</p><p>“We’re in public.”</p><p>“Hardly,” Emily scoots closer.</p><p>“We really should get to bed soon. My dad says we need an earlier start tomorrow.”</p><p>“Seriously?” Emily complains. “We’ve gotta do this all over again in the morning?” Lindsey cocks an eyebrow at her, and Emily knows she’s about to get another lecture about how she invited herself on the trip, so she preemptively tries to cut that off.</p><p>“Every time I get all nice and cozy, you try to ruin it, you know that?”</p><p>“It is pretty nice here, huh?”</p><p>“It is," her hand climbs up Lindsey's thigh under the blanket, "and out there,” Emily nods over Lindsey’s shoulder to the floor to ceiling windows, “it is not so. Looks like it’s getting bad. I think skiing tomorrow is out for sure.”</p><p>“We’re going skiing tomorrow,” Lindsey says definitively.</p><p>“Ok, then I think you better let me kiss you now.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>“Because I wanted to kiss you the whole time we were out there today.”</p><p>“My brother would have seen.”</p><p>“Yeah, why do you think I stopped myself? Do you have any idea how hard that was?” Lindsey might have an idea what that feels like. “Need to get it all out of my system tonight.”</p><p>Lindsey rolls her eyes because she knows that is impossible. Emily could spend hours kissing her tonight and wake up in the morning ready to kiss her some more. “I think maybe they’re catching on.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>“Because of that!” Emily gives her a quizzical look. “<em>That. </em>They way you stare at my lips! Your heart eyes are gonna give us away.”</p><p>“What else was I supposed to stare at? You had on like three layers and a helmet and goggles. Your lips were like the only thing visible. Also, I can’t help it. Have you seen them? They are the most perfect, kissable lips I’ve ever kissed. I want to kiss them for the rest of my life.”</p><p>“You better. These lips better be the only lips you ever kiss again.”</p><p>“Forever ever.”</p><p>Lindsey downs the rest of her drink and tosses the blanket aside, pushing herself up off the couch and pulling Emily up, too. “Are you too drunk?”</p><p>“For?” Emily wiggles her eyebrows and Lindsey raises hers, acting annoyed. “Maybe too sore, possibly too tired, but definitely not too drunk.”</p><p>“Really?” Lindsey’s face falls.</p><p>“No, silly. Never tired. Never sore. It’s late though. But,” Emily wraps an arm around Lindsey’s waist, guiding her towards the windows, “I really don’t think we’re gonna have to get up early. That, my dear, is not skiing weather. That is a blizzard.”</p><p>“What do you know about either of those things?” Lindsey teases her, licking along the shell of her ear and making Emily shiver.</p><p>“I know it’s gonna be cold in our room and I’m gonna need you to keep me warm all night.”</p><p> </p><p> *****</p><p> </p><p>Emily wakes up early the second morning, before Lindsey even, and pops out of bed, rushing to shower and change into her ski gear. She’s far too early – the sun’s not even up yet – but the excitement pouring out of her to get back on the slopes is adorable. And it would be contagious, if Lindsey hadn’t found herself, rolled onto her side as she watched the cute blonde, wishing that Emily would just get back under the covers with her. “Where is the ‘I can’t keep my hands of you’ from yesterday when I want it?” Lindsey mutters under her breath.</p><p>“Huh?” Emily asks distractedly from her hands and knees on the floor, looking for the beanie that Lindsey pulled off her head and tossed aside in an effort to get her clothes off yesterday afternoon.</p><p>“Nothing. I just asked if you’re sore?”</p><p>“Crazy sore. All over. My butt. My arms.” Emily pops up and ducks under the covers at the foot of the bed, crawling up over Lindsey and staring down at her. Just when Lindsey thinks Emily is about to kiss her, she jabs a thumb into her inner thigh.</p><p>“Ouch! Ouch, what the fuck Sonny?!?”</p><p>“Did you even know we had muscles there? What are they? Why do they hurt so bad? Why don’t we use them in soccer? Oh my God, I feel like I could die.”</p><p>“Well, you hid it well, bouncing around the room this morning,” Lindsey grumbles.</p><p>“High pain tolerance. But really, it was so you wouldn’t call me a baby and also so I could do this,” Emily jams her thumb into Lindsey’s opposite groin.</p><p>Lindsey shoves her off, almost off the bed, and then groans as she drags herself towards her girlfriend. She’s skied this winter, a couple of times, but nothing recent enough to prevent her own soreness, apparently. “Bet you wish you didn’t turn that massage down last night, huh?” Lindsey whispers into her ear, struggling to get her hand under all of Emily’s layers so she can feel her soft skin. </p><p>“Woman, last night was better than any massage in the history of massages, and worth every bit of this soreness. Now stop that, we’re going skiing.”</p><p>“Well what about a massage right now? Might help warm these muscles up?” Lindsey suggests, squeezing Emily’s sore hip.</p><p>“We’re skiing a blue run today,” Emily ignores her girlfriend’s hands and hops back out of bed.</p><p>“Ooookkkkk, that’s a little ambitious, babe.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” Emily says with an air of confidence that would be sexy, but for once, it has Lindsey worried. “Can I borrow this?” she tugs one of Lindsey’s beanies over her head without waiting for an answer.</p><p>“Sonny, it’s almost twice as steep. And the chair lifts are faster and you could barely get on the lift yesterday. And your wedge turn to the right is… lacking.”</p><p>Emily just waves her hand dismissively and Lindsey doesn’t know what to do with her. Vlatko will kill her if the defender gets injured before January camp. “Baby, come back to bed. We’ve got awhile.” Lindsey reaches for her, but Emily stays put across the room.</p><p>“We need coffee.”</p><p>“You had coffee not even eight hours ago.”</p><p>“And a good breakfast. I want to be ready today.”</p><p>“Yeah in a little bit. Take all that shit off, you’re not wearing it to breakfast.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re just trying to get me naked,” Emily complains, but she strips out of her ski jacket and pants and flops back down on top of Lindsey anyway.</p><p>“Ugh? <em>Ugh</em>? Seriously? Who are you? Have you <em> seen </em>me? You should consider yourself lucky that I want you naked. I’m just trying to save you from looking like a fool at breakfast, but if you don’t want me, that’s fine.”</p><p>“Well- I mean- see it’s just that…”</p><p>“It’s just that what?” Lindsey whispers, brushing her lips against Emily’s.</p><p>Emily bites, pulling Lindsey in hungrily. “I could kiss you all day,” she murmurs when she finally comes up for air.</p><p>“Yeah? Prove it,” Lindsey pulls her back in.</p><p>“I really, really want to go skiing again.”</p><p>“Uh-huh, we will,” Lindsey mumbles, pulling her beanie off Emily’s head and tossing it aside to get lost in their mess with the other one. “But when you kiss me like that, it makes me wet, Sonny.” She guides Emily’s hand between her legs.</p><p>“Oh God.”</p><p>“Just might tell my parents we’ll go after lunch though. Tell them we’re tired from Christmas and travelling and that you’re worn out from yesterday.”</p><p>“But I’m not.”</p><p>“Good, because you’re going to need that energy. I want you to fuck me, baby.”</p><p>Emily feels her heart speed up until it’s pounding uncontrollably in her ears. And between her legs. Lindsey knows what those words do to her. Knows what it means to her to be able to make Lindsey come. She can’t help that her fingers twitch against Lindsey’s clit. It’s out of her control when Lindsey’s little moan in her ear spurs her along. The wetness her fingers slip through almost causes the arm she’s propped up on to give out. It’s definitely Lindsey and not how sore she is, she reasons with herself. She doesn’t know when or if or how she will ever get over the way Lindsey’s body reacts to so little from her. A touch. A kiss. Just a prospect. But it doesn’t matter. And both breakfast and skiing can wait. The world can wait when she has Lindsey Horan under her.</p><p> </p><p> *****</p><p> </p><p>“I told you you were ready too early and we had time,” Lindsey nuzzles against Sonnett as they make their way down towards breakfast, and Sonnett’s whiney giggle fills the corridor. Sitting at the coffee bar, waiting for their meals, feels a lot like it used to feel in Portland. There’s a hole in Lindsey’s heart from that, an ache that won’t ever go away, she thinks, mainly because of how unexpected it was. But there’s the flip side of it, too. The way it spurred her – eventually – to act because the loss of the person who was her comfort, her support, her everything forced her to admit some things to herself that she wouldn’t have otherwise. She slides her palm between Emily’s crossed legs, and midbite, Emily turns and gives her a quizzical look. “Hand’s cold,” Lindsey shrugs like it’s not the big deal that it is, here in the light, in a space that’s starting to come alive with people. They’re far enough away from Golden, just two blonde girls in matching beanies and hoodies on a ski trip, that a big part of Lindsey is convinced no one would give them a second thought, and a little part of her thinks that even if someone did, it would probably be worth it because she’s so in love that she really doesn’t want to keep focusing all of her energy on not touching her girlfriend.</p><p>“I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” Emily says with a little shake of her head as she chews. If it were anyone else, she’d shy away from this, she would have last night, too, but Lindsey’s different. Captivating. Intoxicating. Never enough.</p><p>Lindsey leans forward, elbow on the bar. “Well for starters, you told me you loved me too, and then I didn’t get to see you for six months. Then I went and got sick. And now, we’re in the most romantic place I’ve ever been with you. I don’t know. Maybe it’s the snow or the fireplace or the pine trees or the hot chocolate. Maybe it’s the,” she gestures around the room, “logs because I know obsessed you are with cabins. Or maybe it’s how you got into me this morning.”</p><p>Emily swallows wrong and breaks out in a coughing fit, her face turning redder and redder as she tries to breath. “More romantic than Hawaii?” she chokes out, changing the subject.</p><p>“No trip with Cait and Ellie was ever going to be romantic,” Lindsey points out. “And I was still with- ”</p><p>Emily cuts her off with a wave of her hand.</p><p>“And you falling on your ass dozens of times yesterday. That did it for me, too.”</p><p>“That’s romantic?” Sonnett almost snorts out her coffee.</p><p>“Definitely adds to the charm. Probably the best part,” Lindsey teases, pinching her side.</p><p>“Hey, now. You said it yourself yesterday, I’m a quick learner. How do you think I learned so quickly what you need?” she winks.</p><p>Lindsey groans, “Ok, ok. But no blue runs today. I love you too much to see you hurt yourself.” <em> That should do the trick, </em>she thinks. Play the L card.</p><p>Before Emily has time to protest, a hand is on her shoulder. And Lindsey’s.</p><p>“Morning, girls.” Lindsey’s hand flies out of her lap and Emily’s eyes go wide as she looks up to see Mr. Horan behind them. They were so obviously flirting, anyone with any knowledge of body language would have been able to tell. Too close, leaning in toward each other. Too touchy. Too smiley. So in love that if their friends were here, they would have been harassing them for how sickeningly sweet they were acting. But his eyes aren’t on her; they’re on his daughter. Emily shifts uncomfortably on her stool, her gaze dropping to Lindsey. “Why didn’t you just tell us, pumpkin?” Emily chokes again, this time on the bite of English muffin still in her mouth. But Mr. Horan looks hurt, not mad. And while Lindsey’s face is as red as Emily’s ever seen it, she doesn’t look mad either. Her jaw isn’t clenched. Neither are her fists.</p><p>They’ve talked about it before, about it a lot prior to this trip, mainly because Emily was nervous about effectually lying to Lindsey’s parents and Lindsey was afraid that Emily would take her not telling them as a sign that she was embarrassed or uncertain about what they have. But Emily understood how hard it was saying those words at any age. It’s especially hard when you don’t know what the right words are for you, when <em> I’m in love with her </em> doesn’t necessarily equate to <em> I’m gay</em>. And Emily knows how bothered Lindsey is by the fact that she hasn’t figured herself out still, so “late in life,” as she calls it even though it’s really not, that she can’t see any reason to push. She knows where Lindsey’s heart is, and that’s all that matters.</p><p>“Dad, I- ” Lindsey starts, but she looks so lost, stuck, and Emily doesn’t know how to help her.</p><p>“I don’t care who you love, pumpkin,” he smiles, and squeezes both of their shoulders, leaning between them to get the barista’s attention. “Makes sense, you two have been best friends for so long now. And clearly, we like her, too,” he winks at Emily. Emily flashes a grin and looks past him to see Lindsey biting her lip, but her eyes are bright and the flush has already subsided to settle in her cheeks, so she winks at Lindsey too. Lindsey can’t stifle her giggle at how bad she is at it. “You should really tell your mother,” he advises.</p><p>“Tell your mother what?” Linda’s voice comes from behind them, and Lindsey freezes up all over again. “Tell me what?” she repeats, looking expectantly between all of them.</p><p>“Me and Sonnett,” Lindsey mumbles, not making eye contact.</p><p>“You and Emily what?”</p><p>“She’s my girlfriend. I have a girlfriend, Mom.”</p><p>“Oh,” Linda hesitates, and both hold their breath, waiting for her response. “Emily,” she repeats quietly, like she’s thinking about it. “Ok.”</p><p>“Ok?”</p><p>“Ok,” Linda nods. “I spent years praying every night that you would break up with Russell and find someone to treat you well. I- ”</p><p>“Mom,” Lindsey groans.</p><p>“Well, I did. I can’t be mad at God for answering my prayers now, can I? You seem happy, honey.”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>“And she’s polite, she actually talks to us. She <em> came </em>on our ski trip, which is more than I can say for him.  I’ve never seen her yell at you.”</p><p>“She yells at me.”</p><p>“Linds!” Sonnett hisses, infinitely embarrassed, and Lindsey just shrugs. “She puts her feet in my lap. I hate feet,” Sonnett explains sheepishly. “But also, I like game nights,” she tries to play into Mrs. Horan’s praise, knowing how much the family likes to compete. </p><p>“Sweetheart,” Linda looks at her sympathetically, “I’ve tried to teach her to sit correctly on a couch, and she just won’t. I’m sorry. And we would love to have you for game night.” Lindsey can’t believe her own mother is defending her girlfriend. But then she starts laughing. They both do, leaning forward to look at each other across the bar like a couple of nervous teenagers. “Make sure you tell your brother,” Linda grabs the coffee Mark ordered for her off the counter. “He hated Russell.”</p><p>“Tell your brother what? And I did hate Russell. Why are we talking about <em>that</em> guy?” Mike wonders, and Lindsey groans again, burying her head in her hands. No one told her what an exhausting experience this would turn into. She peaks out between her fingers to see Emily chuckling at her. And then Emily reaches out and pulls Lindsey’s hand off her face, holding it up for Mike to see.</p><p>“Well it took you long enough to lock that down, Son,” Mike laughs, slapping her on the back hard like she’s one of his bros.</p><p>“Me?” Emily shouts at him, and Lindsey has to squeeze her knee to calm her down. “Me? Seriously. It took your <em>sister</em> this long. Don’t blame me for how long this took. Like this was my fault,” Emily mutters.</p><p>And then they all fall back into conversation like nothing’s happened.  Lindsey looks around at everyone she loves, huddled around their stools, talking with their hands, smiling, laughing. Her entire world, minus Fergy, of course, is all there and everything is fine. Couldn’t be better, actually. It’s like she didn’t just come out. Three times. In a hotel dining room. It’s like no one even cares, and that’s the best part. They’re completely unfazed, already talking about skiing, and Emily’s trying to convince Mike that she’s ready for “the big leagues.” As Lindsey watches and listens, the conversation turns to her. How it happened.  Who kissed whom. How long they’ve been together. “Ok, ok, ok. That’s enough about us. We should go skiing now. Where we can’t talk. And y’all can’t ask questions.” Lindsey slides off the stool and pushes through her family, dragging Emily behind her. She’s holding her hand, her <em>girlfriend’s</em> hand. And she doesn’t have to let go once they’ve made it through the congestion. She can hold her hand the whole way back to their room. On the ski lift. When they take a break for lunch and hot chocolate. When she pulls Emily away from the lift to Peak 7, because she will ski on Peak 9 all trip if it means her girlfriend doesn’t break her leg. And on the way down to dinner. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t have to stop Emily from leaning in too close as they sit at the table that night waiting for the rest of the family to join them.</p><p>“Today was a good day, huh?” Lindsey asks</p><p>“So good. I’m going to need a massage tonight for sure, so I’m ready for tomorrow’s blue runs,” Emily continues nipping at Lindsey’s earlobe because she can, and because she wants her girlfriend to let her lose on the slopes.</p><p>“Son..."</p><p>“What? I made that green run my bitch today!”</p><p>Lindsey rolls her eyes, but soon, Emily’s lips are back on her flushed skin, on her jaw this time, leaving a trail of tender kisses.</p><p>“Stop, Mike’s coming,” Lindsey clears her throat and sits up straighter.</p><p>“Why? He knows. I was sooo close to your lips, come on,” Emily grumbles. “They’re so pretty. So kissable. What flavor chapstick is that? Is it peppermint, I love it when you have the peppermint chapstick on. It’s tingly.”</p><p>Lindsey eyes the couple moving through the lobby, towards them. “Sonny,” she warns.</p><p>“One little taste. Please. My lips are so chapped.”</p><p>Lindsey lets out an exasperated sigh, rolls her eyes, and, still watching her brother, leans over to give Emily the quickest peck possible.</p><p>“Peppermint!” Emily exclaims. “Wait, I need more.” She gives Lindsey’s thigh a squeeze under the table only to have her hand swatted away.</p><p>“I emailed you a damn list of things to pack and did you pack half of them? No, you didn’t. You’re not stealing my chapstick!”</p><p>“Well, I thought sunscreen and chapstick were dumb.”</p><p>“You’re never going to learn to listen to me, are you?”</p><p>They both know she’s probably not. Not until something goes seriously wrong, and Emily has such a good attitude when it comes to life that it’s hard to imagine her not being able to find a way to make even shitty situations work for her. Like now, stealing Lindsey’s chapstick for her dry, cracking lips.</p><p><br/><br/>*****</p><p> </p><p>“Baby, come out here with me,” Lindsey sticks her head in through the sliding glass door of their ski-in/ski-out room. </p><p>“No!” Emily shrieks at the mere thought of stepping out into 21 degree weather. “Absolutely not. It’s fucking cold. I’m finally warm. And my hair is still wet. What if I catch pneumonia and die?”</p><p>Lindsey comes back in, takes off her own coat, and bundles Emily up in it. “That’s an old wives’ tale, you’re not going to get sick,” she assures her, trying not to roll her eyes at the dramatics. The whole time they’ve been together, she’s been trying to find a way to explain to Emily just how much she means to her. It’s something that felt especially important considering how much of it they’ve spent apart, but the right words have eluded her. <em> I love you </em> has just never seemed like enough to encapsulate what Emily means to her. It came to her while she was enjoying another cup of hot chocolate outside while Emily finished showering. “Now,” Lindsey rubs Emily’s well-insulated arms, and pull the hood up on her coat, “get out here with me.”</p><p>“What was so important I have to risk death?” Emily pouts, leaning back into Lindsey so Lindsey will tighten her grip around her chest. They’ve been quiet for a few minutes, and while the quiet is nice and the moonlight shining down on the snow is romantic, a warm bed can also be romantic. </p><p>“Look,” Lindsey points to the sky.</p><p>“Stars. Cool. Maybe we can look at them from somewhere not Colorado, what do you think? Like maybe somewhere <em> warm?" </em></p><p>“No,” Lindsey lets out a huff, “<em>that </em> star. The North Star.”</p><p>“Am I supposed to know which star that is? There are like five hundred. Do I have to know directions for this? You know I don’t know directions.”</p><p>Lindsey laughs. “Find the Little Dipper.”</p><p>“Still lost.”</p><p>“Ok,” Lindsey bites back a sigh this time. “See those four stars that look like a box?” She points a little ways above the horizon.</p><p>“Mmhmm.”</p><p>“Do you really, or are you just saying you do so you can go back inside?”</p><p>“No, I do.” Emily picks up Lindsey’s hand and points it out again.</p><p>“K, follow the tail up,” Lindsey guides their joined hands together. “See how it’s like a ladle with a handle?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Emily yawns, not getting where this is going or why she can’t go to bed, and Lindsey ignores it because she has an important point to make.</p><p>“That star at the end is Polaris. The North Star. It lines up with the Big Dipper.” Lindsey moves their hands over to point that constellation out as well. “The North Star pretty much over the North Pole. It’s like a compass. So back in the day, travellers knew if they were going north because it would get higher in the sky, or south, because it would get closer to the horizon. It was something constant. Guided them home. Because once you can find north, you know all the directions.”</p><p>“Well, <em> I </em>don’t know all the directions just because you tell me which way north is, but whatever,” Emily yawns again, and then perks up at the chance to drag her girlfriend. “Wait, let me get this straight. The woman who thought the cinnamon stick in her drink last night was a straw is now teaching me history? Astrology? Astronomy? What is this?”</p><p>Lindsey ignores her again. “You’re my North Star, baby. You’re the constant in my life who’s always guided me back home, back to myself, when I’ve been lost. You’re my home. My sure thing. That’s why it took me so long. You were like this thing I was never going to lose. Like, you can’t lose the North Star, it’s just always there. And I knew I could always look up, and <em> you’d </em>be there. Until you weren’t, and that scared me. But I found you again. Doesn’t matter where you go, you’re always going to be my home. And I’m glad, really, that all this shitty stuff happened. I needed that kick in the ass.”</p><p>“From a star?”</p><p>“Shut up. Yes, from a star. Whatever.”</p><p>“K.” </p><p>“Did you even get anything out of what I said?”</p><p>“Yes, I’m your home. So wherever I go is home. And you love me,” Emily says sleepily.</p><p>“Basically.” Lindsey nuzzles her neck and noses along Emily’s jawline.</p><p>“Stop it,” she whines, “you’re so cold. It’s so cold out here.”</p><p>“Wanna go back in and I’ll warm you up?”</p><p>“Naked warm me up?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p>
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